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Air travel is preferred by the rich people only. Majority of the peope receive no benefit from the development of air travel as an industry. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Air travel is preferred by the rich people only. Majority of the peope receive no benefit from the development of air travel as an industry. v. 1
It is a known fact that the airway is a rich person's mode of transport. But, many believe the industry as such doesn't benefit any other class. I totally disagree with this belief. As a matter of fact, air travel as a trade definitely benefits more than just one category of people. Firstly, the airline business employs thousands of people from varied walks of life. For example, a company in this business needs to rely on a number of technicians, pilots, cabin crew, housekeeping staff etc. Even though it is an oligopolistic market, human resource needed to run the show is greater than most of the free markets. That makes it relevant across the strata of society Secondly, innumerable ancillary businesses pop-up which support the airline industry. This includes, but is not limited to hotels, cabs, local tourism etc. Consider any city where a new airport is announced, you will suddenly see the entire economic structure of that place taking a different turn. Larger industries like these encourage the beginning and growth of smaller industries. Thereby keeping the economy running in a smoother way. To conclude, airlines as an industry might have limited users, but the beneficiaries are multiple. Employees of these organizations and other smaller companies starting up benefit just as much, if not more than the affluent class.
It is a known fact that the airway is a rich person's mode of transport.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
as such doesn't benefit any other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. I
totally
disagree with this belief. As a matter of fact, air travel as a trade definitely benefits more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one category of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
, the airline business employs thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from varied walks of life.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in this business needs to rely on a number of technicians, pilots, cabin crew, housekeeping staff etc.
Even though
it is an oligopolistic market, human resource needed to run the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
is greater than most of the free markets. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it relevant across the strata of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
society


Secondly
, innumerable ancillary businesses pop-up which support the airline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. This includes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is not limited to hotels, cabs, local tourism etc. Consider any city where a new airport
is announced
, you will
suddenly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the entire economic structure of that place taking a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
turn. Larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
like these encourage the beginning and growth of smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. Thereby keeping the economy running in a smoother way.

To conclude
, airlines as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
might have limited users,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the beneficiaries are multiple. Employees of these organizations and other smaller
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
starting up benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as much, if not more than the affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Air travel is preferred by the rich people only. Majority of the peope receive no benefit from the development of air travel as an industry. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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