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Air travel is preferred by the rich people only. Majority of the peope receive no benefit from the development of air travel as an industry. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Air travel is preferred by the rich people only. Majority of the peope receive no benefit from the development of air travel as an industry. v. 1
It is a known fact that the airway is a rich person's mode of transport. But, many believe the industry as such doesn't benefit any other class. I totally disagree with this belief. As a matter of fact, air travel as a trade definitely benefits more than just one category of people. Firstly, the airline business employs thousands of people from varied walks of life. For example, a company in this business needs to rely on a number of technicians, pilots, cabin crew, housekeeping staff etc. Even though it is an oligopolistic market, human resource needed to run the show is greater than most of the free markets. That makes it relevant across the strata of society Secondly, innumerable ancillary businesses pop-up which support the airline industry. This includes, but is not limited to hotels, cabs, local tourism etc. Consider any city where a new airport is announced, you will suddenly see the entire economic structure of that place taking a different turn. Larger industries like these encourage the beginning and growth of smaller industries. Thereby keeping the economy running in a smoother way. To conclude, airlines as an industry might have limited users, but the beneficiaries are multiple. Employees of these organizations and other smaller companies starting up benefit just as much, if not more than the affluent class.
It is a known fact that the airway is a rich person's mode of transport.
But
,
many
believe the
industry
as such doesn't benefit any other
class
. I
totally
disagree with this belief. As a matter of fact, air travel as a trade definitely benefits more than
just
one category of
people
.

Firstly
, the airline business employs thousands of
people
from varied walks of life.
For example
, a
company
in this business needs to rely on a number of technicians, pilots, cabin crew, housekeeping staff etc.
Even though
it is an oligopolistic market, human resource needed to run the
show
is greater than most of the free markets. That
makes
it relevant across the strata of
society


Secondly
, innumerable ancillary businesses pop-up which support the airline
industry
. This includes,
but
is not limited to hotels, cabs, local tourism etc. Consider any city where a new airport
is announced
, you will
suddenly
see
the entire economic structure of that place taking a
different
turn. Larger
industries
like these encourage the beginning and growth of smaller
industries
. Thereby keeping the economy running in a smoother way.

To conclude
, airlines as an
industry
might have limited users,
but
the beneficiaries are multiple. Employees of these organizations and other smaller
companies
starting up benefit
just
as much, if not more than the affluent
class
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Air travel is preferred by the rich people only. Majority of the peope receive no benefit from the development of air travel as an industry. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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