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should wealthy nations be rquired to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? or is it the responsibility of the goverment of poorer nations to look after thei citizens themselves. v.1

should wealthy nations be rquired to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? or is it the responsibility of the goverment of poorer nations to look after thei citizens themselves. v. 1
The whole essence of humanity is basically not only to live and die but to ensure that meaningful impact is made in the lives of people. Some are of the opinion that goverments of poorer nations have the sole responsibility to cater for her own people. I strongly believe that wealthy nations should give helping hands to poorer societies. On the one hand, it commonly believed that individual nations are sovereign in nature. That is to say, they are old and strong enough to stay on their own without external influences. Since these nations can make laws for themselves, it is also of necessity that they should be able to effectively provide for the needs of their citizens without entirely depending on aids or grants from wealthy nations. North Korea for example was able to move from a third world nation to have a seat among the committee of wealthy nation within a decade without any assistance from rich societies. Thus, proving to all that the main purpose of goverment is not only to legislation but welfare of its citizens. On the other hand, i do not believe that the aforementioned arguement stands up to scrutiny. Firstly, sharing wealth with poorer nations strengthens brotherhood. In other words, this does not only create and invisible bond but also shoe an expression of love and compassion which is lacking in the world today. In addition this act would definitely encourage other wealthier nation to do the same for poorer nations particularly in areas of severe need, both human and capital. The scourge of HIV and AIDS had reduce gradually from 38% in 1994 to about 31% in 2015 due to the grants received from the Unites State of America and other donor agencies. Thus, this had reduced the incidence and prevelance of the disease in the region. To conclude, caring for the need of poorer countries should be seen and an important responsibility. However, turning a blind eye to these need would not only make the world an unsettled habitation but a world of hatred and anarchy looking for the slightest oppurtunity to explode.
The whole essence of humanity is
basically
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to ensure that meaningful impact
is made
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the opinion that
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have the sole responsibility to cater for her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
strongly
believe that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should give helping hands to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
societies.

On the one hand, it
commonly
believed that individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are sovereign in nature.
That is
to say, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to stay on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without external influences. Since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws for themselves, it is
also
of necessity that they should be able to
effectively
provide for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of their citizens without
entirely
depending on aids or grants from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. North Korea
for example
was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from a third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to have a seat among the committee of wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
within a decade without any assistance from rich societies.
Thus
, proving to all that the main purpose of
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to legislation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
welfare of its citizens.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
do not believe that the aforementioned
Possible spelling mistake found.
arguement
stands up to scrutiny.
Firstly
, sharing wealth with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
strengthens brotherhood. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, this does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
create and invisible bond
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
shoe an expression of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and compassion which is lacking in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
this act would definitely encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to do the same for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
particularly
in areas of severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
, both human and capital. The scourge of HIV and AIDS had
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "reduced".
reduce
gradually
from 38% in 1994 to about 31% in 2015 due to the grants received from the Unites State of America and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
donor agencies.
Thus
, this had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the incidence and
Possible spelling mistake found.
prevelance
of the disease in the region.

To conclude
, caring for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
countries should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
and an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
responsibility.
However
, turning a blind eye to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
would not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
an unsettled habitation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of hatred and anarchy looking for the slightest
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppurtunity
to explode.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay should wealthy nations be rquired to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? or is it the responsibility of the goverment of poorer nations to look after thei citizens themselves. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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