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Should wealthy nations be required to share theirwealth among poorer nations by providing such thingsas food and education? Or us it the responsibility ofthe governments of poorer nations to look after theircitizens themselves v.1

Should wealthy nations be required to share theirwealth among poorer nations by providing such thingsas food and education? Or us it the responsibility ofthe governments of poorer nations to look after theircitizens themselves v. 1
The issue pertaining to the area of upper and lower class has engendered a vigorous debate in many societies. It is argued that disparity among poor and rich individuals is on the rise. In the essay below, along with the problems it causes, the measures to avert this phenomenon will be presented. To commence with, the gap between rich and poor can bring about discrimination against poor ones. To illustrate, individuals with higher social rank and better financial condition assume that their personality is by far of great importance as well as put their rights above penurious people. This problem can bring deplorable sequels, as, this kind of hostility twixt two different social classes of people may generate fear of insecurity and anxiety. So, as the gap between upper and lower class is becoming wider and it can provoke a sense of danger for the lower class. In order to avert this problem, the government should create special programs which will gather poor and rich population to spend time jointly with a mandatory attendance. To be more precise, while taking part in these programs rich ones would pay more attention towards destitute people's condition, and instead of humiliating and detesting them, they would try to provide them with better terms of life. And those tycoons who renounce being part of these actions should be subject to an extravagant amount of fine. Ergo, the establishment of such projects can greatly decrease the rate of both abhorrence and poverty as well. In conclusion, even though rich people have some culprits to overlook poor ones, measures are available to shirk the widening gap between them. Provided that more attention is paid to both classes of the society, it will create a better future for them.
The issue pertaining to the area of upper and lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
has engendered a vigorous debate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies. It
is argued
that disparity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
individuals is on the rise. In the essay below, along with the problems it causes, the measures to avert this phenomenon will
be presented
.

To commence with, the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
can bring about discrimination against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. To illustrate, individuals with higher social rank and better financial condition assume that their personality is by
The usual preposition for "far" is "from." Revise: "far from".
far of
great importance
as well
as put their rights above penurious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This problem can bring deplorable sequels, as, this kind of hostility twixt two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may generate fear of insecurity and anxiety.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, as the gap between upper and lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is becoming wider and it can provoke a sense of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for the lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

In order to avert this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create special programs which will gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
population to spend time
jointly
with a mandatory attendance. To be more precise, while taking part in these programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
would pay more attention towards destitute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's condition, and
instead
of humiliating and detesting them, they would try to provide them with better terms of life. And those tycoons who renounce being part of these actions should be subject to an extravagant amount of fine. Ergo, the establishment of such projects can
greatly
decrease the rate of both abhorrence and poverty
as well
.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
culprits to overlook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, measures are available to shirk the widening gap between them. Provided that more attention
is paid
to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
of the society, it will create a better future for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share theirwealth among poorer nations by providing such thingsas food and education? Or us it the responsibility ofthe governments of poorer nations to look after theircitizens themselves v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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