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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v.6

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v. 6
Development of any territory is influenced by the availability of basic amenities. The scarcity of facilities such as food and education obstruct the growth of a country. Some people believe that affluent nations should be accountable for making these things accessible for fortuneless countries. However, I tend to believe that these services should be provided by its own ruling party. To begin with, the government should fulfil the necessities of the people because of whom they got the power. For instance, most countries use the voting system for selecting government and, hence, satisfying people becomes a major duty of the party in power. If the party fails to support their residents with facilities like food and education, it may result in their failure in next election. Thus, it is obvious that legal entity is chargeable for taking care of their natives. In addition to this, native people pay various types of taxes to the government. A good illustration for this is the certifications which are held at the university level and its fees always include some amount of tax. If, after paying education tax, the government fails to provide a better level of schools and universities, residents may prefer giving chance to some other political party in next elections. Therefore, chances of losing control over individuals will be increased and hence it becomes inevitable for government to refute their duties. For above, it can be concluded that in order to maintain its position, the government of needy nations should be concerned towards satisfying the needs of its citizens. If elected command succeeds in this, they may be able to attract people from other nations towards their country which may help boost economy of the country. As a consequence, developing nation will be turned into developed one in near future.
Development of any territory
is influenced
by the availability of basic amenities. The scarcity of facilities such as food and education obstruct the growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should be accountable for making these things accessible for
Possible spelling mistake found.
fortuneless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, I tend to believe that these services should
be provided
by its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ruling party.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should fulfil the necessities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of whom they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the power.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the voting system for selecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and,
hence
, satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becomes a major duty of the party in power. If the party fails to support their residents with facilities like food and education, it may result in their failure in
next
election.
Thus
, it is obvious that legal entity is chargeable for taking care of their natives.

In addition
to this, native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay various types of taxes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this is the certifications which
are held
at the university level and its fees always include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of tax. If, after paying education tax, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
fails to provide a better level of schools and universities, residents may prefer giving chance to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other political party in
next
elections.
Therefore
, chances of losing control over individuals will
be increased
and
hence
it becomes inevitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to refute their duties.

For above, it can
be concluded
that in order to maintain its position, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
be concerned
towards satisfying the needs of its citizens. If elected command succeeds in this, they may be able to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
boost economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As a consequence, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will
be turned
into developed one in near future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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