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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v.10

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v. 10
It is true that many countries of this world are facing different types of problems especially they have the lack of food and appropriate education. It is frequently believed that it is the responsibility of the richer country to provide these basic things to the poorer country. However, this serious issue is refuted by others. These arguments will be analysed prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion. On the one hand, today, many hold the idea that it is the moral and ethical duty of the wealthier nations to help the developing countries who are confronting the many problems such as war, famine, drought, lack of food and appropriate education system etc. For instance, many countries, Afghanistan and Iraq in particular, have serious problem with these issues. Many people of these countries are living without enough food. Moreover, the governments of these countries don’t have ample amount of money to build a suitable education system for their people. This example makes it clear that these countries would not be able to improve from this miserable condition without help. That is why many people believe that aid is indispensable for these poor countries. On the other hand, it is felt by many that the governments of the poorer countries should solve these dangerous problems for many reasons. Firstly, when the richer country gives money as a support for the poorer country, they also want to control the regimes of the poor countries, which may have brought the catastrophic effect on the underdeveloped country. Secondly, the administration of the poorer nation is not so experienced, so they maybe not able to properly utilise these supported things. Finally, most governments of the poorer countries are corrupted, so there is a great risk to misuse these supported things. For these reasons, many are against of this idea. In conclusion, after conducting these analyses, it is clear that both points of view have logical arguments. However, in my opinion, the governments of the poorer countries should take the responsibility of their people. Otherwise, the richer country will control the poorer country.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of this world are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
especially
they have the lack of food and appropriate education. It is
frequently
believed that it is the responsibility of the richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to provide these basic things to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, this serious issue
is refuted
by others. These arguments will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
Possible agreement error. The noun hold seems to be countable; consider using: "many holds".
many hold
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is the moral and ethical duty of the wealthier nations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who are confronting the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as war, famine, drought, lack of food and appropriate education system etc.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, Afghanistan and Iraq
in particular
, have serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with these issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are living without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
don’t have ample amount of money to build a suitable education system for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
from this miserable condition without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that aid is indispensable for these poor countries.

On the other hand
, it
is felt
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should solve these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
Firstly
, when the richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
gives money as a support for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they
also
want to control the regimes of the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which may have brought the catastrophic effect on the underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Secondly
, the administration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
nation is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
experienced,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they maybe not able to
properly
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
these supported things.
Finally
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are corrupted
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to misuse these supported things. For these reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are against of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

In conclusion
, after conducting these analyses, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that both points of view have logical arguments.
However
, in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should take the responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Otherwise
, the richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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