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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v.4

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v. 4
There is a considerable debate over charity and aid system in first world countries. This essay is about the necessity of providing life supplies and education to nations which can’t stand on their feet and why these nations should be responsible for providing aid to poor countries. First of all, it all started with the invention of steam power. Human kind's exploration chances have risen enormously with this invention and as a result of this colonisation became a real deal. While masters increased their wealth, slaves' life standard decreased tremendously. Because of this decrease in life standards, many of the former colonies don't have the power to provide their own nation with even basic requirements. From another point of view, living and education is a birth right of humanity and these shouldn't be a concern normally. Wealthy nations should also take responsibility to provide suitable life needs it most. For instance, anyone who seeks for justice should have right to escalate their case to European Court of Human Rights and similar processes should be available for people who are seeking for their born rights such as foods and education. On the other hand, the main reason why people favour the idea not to share their wealth with others is that it would mean the end of colonisation worldwide. They believe that they had plenty of time to improve their economy. As a result of this, it was the poor nations' problem to take care of their mess. In conclusion, my personal view about charity and aid to poor nations is a responsibility of both parts. Wealthy nations should provide local governments with aid and guidance to offer their nation with better life standards.
There is a considerable debate over charity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
system in
first
world countries. This essay is about the necessity of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
supplies and education to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
which can’t stand on their feet and why these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should be responsible for providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to poor countries.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the invention of steam power. Human kind's exploration chances have risen
enormously
with this invention and
as a result
of this
Possible spelling mistake. 'colonisation' is British English.
colonisation
became a real deal. While masters increased their wealth, slaves'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
standard decreased
tremendously
.
Because of this
decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
standards,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the former colonies don't have the power to provide their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
with even basic requirements. From another point of view, living and education is a birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
of humanity and these shouldn't be a concern
normally
. Wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
also
take responsibility to provide suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
needs it most.
For instance
, anyone who seeks for justice should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to escalate their case to European Court of Human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rights
and similar processes should be available for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are seeking for their born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
such as foods and education.

On the other hand
, the main reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
not to share their wealth with others is that it would mean the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'colonisation' is British English.
colonisation
worldwide. They believe that they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their economy.
As a result
of this, it was the poor nations' problem to take care of their mess.

In conclusion
, my personal view about charity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is a responsibility of both parts. Wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should provide local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
and guidance to offer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
with better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
standards.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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