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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v.11

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v. 11
Today’s world is divided into industrialised countries and poor nations, where the main difference between them is the amount of money that they spend in the healthcare system, commerce and infrastructures. Most of those developing nations are living under the poverty line, and in my opinion, wealthy nations have the ability and the responsibility to help them. Rich countries are more capable of helping those less fortunate countries than their own governments because of many reasons. Firstly, most poor nations are buried into debts as a result of their unbalanced finance and inexperienced or corrupted administrations. This reflected in a weak and failed healthcare and education system and a weak international trade policy. This vicious cycle will continue unless rich countries take the responsibility of helping those nations and minimising the huge worldwide economic difference. For example, the World Bank can nullify their debts or rich nations can help them with some projects to help to pay for these debts. Secondly, many of those countries are living in subhuman conditions because of extreme poverty and epidemic diseases such as AIDS and cholera and they either do not have the knowledge or the sufficient medical resources to improve this situation. However, developed countries can donate free drugs, and send doctors and nurses to treat and educate infected population so as to prevent these diseases from spreading. On the other hand, many people from poor countries immigrate to rich countries to work or study. This result in many consequences: the first consequence is that they help to improve the economy of developed countries. For example in countries like the UK or FRANCE, there are lots of emigrants who prove themselves by their knowledge and hard working. Then it seems to be sensible that these wealthy nations should, in turn, help their home countries. In addition, the economy of poor countries gets worse because they have lost their most skilful and educated people while they need them to work and lead these nation to a better future. Finally, it would be difficult for poor nations to help themselves and grow without basic needs such as food, shelter, treatment and education. In conclusion, I believe that it would be less likely to see any improvement in developing nation economy and status without the cooperation of wealthy countries.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s world
is divided
into
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, where the main difference between them is the amount of money that they spend in the healthcare system, commerce and infrastructures. Most of those developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are living under the poverty line, and in my opinion, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have the ability and the responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them.

Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are more capable of helping those less fortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
Firstly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are buried
into debts
as a result
of their unbalanced finance and inexperienced or corrupted administrations. This reflected in a weak and failed healthcare and education system and a weak international trade policy. This vicious cycle will continue unless rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
take the responsibility of helping those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimising' is British English.
minimising
the huge worldwide economic difference.
For example
, the World Bank can nullify their debts or rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to pay for these debts.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are living in subhuman conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of extreme poverty and epidemic diseases such as AIDS and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cholera and
they either do not have the knowledge or the sufficient medical resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation.
However
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can donate free drugs, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
doctors and nurses to treat and educate infected population
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these diseases from spreading.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
immigrate to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to work or study. This result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consequences: the
first
consequence is that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like the UK or FRANCE, there are lots of emigrants who prove themselves by their knowledge and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
. Then it seems to be sensible that these wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should, in turn,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
In addition
, the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
worse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have lost their most
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
and educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while they need them to work and lead these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to a better future.
Finally
, it would be difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
themselves and grow without basic needs such as food, shelter, treatment and education.

In conclusion
, I believe that it would be less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any improvement in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
economy and status without the cooperation of wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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