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TPO 1: At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and library and should receive equal financial support. v.1

TPO 1: At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and library and should receive equal financial support. v. 1
It is an irrefutable fact that the trend of the changing world from traditional to modern technology is increasing day by day. Becoming into the modern world attract the people from outside, as well as affecting the traditional culture and force them to turn into modern way. In my opinion, I agree with the statement and in this essay, I intend to explain my view before reasonable conclusion can be drawn. There are several reasons why it is possible to change people and their traditional methods. Firstly, nowadays every country wants to change in their lifestyle and infrastructure to make easy for everyone and develop their economic growth. Because of this, everyone attracts towards the new buildings and new technology, which make them easier folk’s life, such as underground metro trains, wending machines and so on. According to the research conducted by the Indian government found that after the rebuilt of outside the golden temple in Amritsar city, the lifestyle of local community becomes more convenient and more tourists are coming from other nations. On the other side, these things effected continuously on the local person as well as their old traditional ways. Moreover, Some people assert that the renovating old cultural building could bad impact on the next generation, like forgetting the history of the country. For an instance, remodel the wild life century in India create a bad impact on the wild animals such as camouflage of the national bird Peacock. To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that introducing with the modern way is good for comprehensive growth of the nation. But, the government should focus on the traditional lifestyle.
It is an irrefutable fact that the trend of the changing world from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology is increasing day by day. Becoming into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world attract the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from outside,
as well
as affecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
culture and force them to turn into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
way. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and in this essay, I intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reasonable conclusion can
be drawn
.

There are several reasons why it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
methods.
Firstly
, nowadays every country wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their lifestyle and infrastructure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
easy for everyone and develop their economic growth.
Because of this
, everyone attracts towards the new buildings and new technology, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them easier folk’s life, such as underground metro trains, wending machines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. According to the research conducted by the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
found that after
The phrase 'the rebuilt of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the rebuilt of
outside the golden temple in Amritsar city, the lifestyle of local community becomes more convenient and more tourists are coming from other nations.

On the other side, these things effected
continuously
on the local person
as well
as their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
ways.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that the renovating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cultural building could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on the
next
generation, like forgetting the history of the country. For an instance, remodel the wild life century in India create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on the wild animals such as camouflage of the national bird Peacock.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that introducing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
way is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for comprehensive growth of the nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 1: At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and library and should receive equal financial support. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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