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Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion? v.2

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion? v. 2
Usage of hard drugs like heroin and cocaine has been strictly prohibited by various governments, but the same government allows the purchasing of few drugs such as tobacco and alcohol by the people. Rules should be same for all types of drugs, considering tobacco and alcohol. I strongly believe that it has to be applied to all kinds of drugs since it has diverse and harmful effects to the society and individuals. Apart from heroin and cocaine, even tobacco and alcohol are also very dangerous to the human body. Many people are dying because of consuming the same. It causes many diseases to people which are incurable. Moreover it is damaging the lungs, liver, kidney of the body which is very essential for regular metabolism of the body. As per the survey of the World Health Organisation, they found that the life span of the individual has been decreased because of having alcohol and tobacco. Hence these drugs are creating many damages to the human body and government should ban. One more evident bad effect of using tobacco and alcohol is that, it is impacting the society very badly. Many people will do crime who is addicted to these drugs and in fact, it will provoke few people commit crime and illegal things. The addicted people will urge to do something wrong and illegal to the society for fulfilling the need of consuming these drugs. It is witnessed that most of the crime such as rape and murder has been happening with the person who has consumed these drugs. Therefore consuming these drugs has been considered as bad habits which will have negative effects on the society. In conclusion, the government should also ban the drugs other than heroin and cocaine such as tobacco and alcohol, which will spoil the individual person's life with dangerous diseases. These drugs will spoil the relation in the society and family and has adverse effects.
Usage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
like heroin and cocaine has been
strictly
prohibited by various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the purchasing of few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Rules
should be same for all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
. I
strongly
believe that it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be applied
to all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
since it has diverse and harmful effects to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and individuals.

Apart from heroin and cocaine, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of consuming the same. It causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which are incurable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it is damaging the lungs, liver, kidney of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for regular metabolism of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. As per the survey of the World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
, they found that the life span of the individual has
been decreased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
damages to the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ban.

One more evident
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
is that, it is impacting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
badly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will do crime who
is addicted
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and in fact, it will provoke few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commit crime and illegal things. The addicted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will urge
Did you mean "doing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'urge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to do
something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and illegal to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
for fulfilling the need of consuming these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. It
is witnessed
that most of the crime such as rape and murder has been happening with the person who has consumed these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
consuming these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
has
been considered
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits which will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the society.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
ban the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
other than heroin and cocaine such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
, which will spoil the individual person's life with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
will spoil the relation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and family and has adverse effects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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