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Nowadays many parents believe that children’s use of tablets or computers would be good for their future academic careers. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a belief? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples. v.1

Nowadays many parents believe that children’s use of tablets or computers would be good for their future academic careers. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a belief? v. 1
Some people are of the opinion that we have far more options to choose from in contrast to the past. I completely agree with this opinion and believe that the diverse advancements in the lifestyle have made it difficult in choosing because of the increased availability of options. Firstly, buying any electrical appliance has become a tedious task nowadays because there is a myriad of companies to choose from in the market, which makes it nearly impossible to select one particular model. In the past, however, there were hardly a handful companies to pick from, which made it hassle-free. For example, a friend of mine waited for 3 months to buy his dream mobile phone from a particular company, meanwhile, the company launched four variants of the same phone which left him perplexed. He ended up not buying one and now he is waiting for another model to get launched. Secondly, purchasing garments has also become strenuous and time-consuming in the present day. There is a slew of boutiques, brands, designers and shopping malls available making it hard to opt one. People are wasting hours together in these places puzzled while deciding on buying something. To illustrate, a few years ago we went on a trip and due to some unforeseen reasons, we got stuck in New Delhi for a few hours. We visited a nearby place called Paalika Bazaar to buy some clothes as gifts and we wasted all the time we had just over there missing many other tourist locations in the city which we regret until today. In conclusion, I think having a lot of choices in every situation can be very exhausting and time taking and can leave a person confused. Thus, limiting the number of options can be helpful to many people in numerous ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that we have far more options to choose from
in contrast
to the past. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and believe that the diverse advancements in the lifestyle have made it difficult in choosing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increased availability of options.

Firstly
, buying any electrical appliance has become a tedious task nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to choose from in the market, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
nearly
impossible to select one particular model. In the past,
however
, there were hardly a handful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to pick from, which made it hassle-free.
For example
, a friend of mine waited for 3 months to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
his dream mobile phone from a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
launched four variants of the same phone which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
him perplexed. He ended up not buying one and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is waiting for another model to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
launched.

Secondly
, purchasing garments has
also
become strenuous and time-consuming in the present day. There is a slew of boutiques, brands, designers and shopping malls available making it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to opt one.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are wasting hours together in these places puzzled while deciding on buying something. To illustrate, a few years ago we went on a trip and due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unforeseen reasons, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
stuck in New Delhi for a few hours. We visited a nearby place called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Paalika
Bazaar to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
clothes as
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gifts and
we wasted all the time we had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over there missing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other tourist locations in the city which we regret until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
choices in every situation can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
exhausting and time taking and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a person confused.
Thus
, limiting the number of options can be helpful to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in numerous ways.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many parents believe that children’s use of tablets or computers would be good for their future academic careers. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a belief? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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