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Which way do you prefer to spend time: with a small number of close friends or with many friends? Compare these two views. v.1

Which way do you prefer to spend time: with a small number of close friends or with many friends? Compare these two views. v. 1
There is a belief among some people that instead of paying a portion of their salary to the government in the form of taxes, they should save it for themselves. This essay disagrees with this idea because it creates a greater economic disparity in the society. Firstly, this essay will outline that not paying taxes impedes the authorities' ability to invest in the development efforts, followed by how this will create an insecure living situation. Income from taxes being the major source of revenue for the government, if they are not paid, it diminishes their power to spend for the advancement of the nation. They would not be able to develop infrastructure, improve education, provide health care or strengthen the military. Consequently, the nation's overall progress will lag behind as compared to other countries in the world. As an illustration, Zimbabwe has fallen seriously down in the list of developed nations because almost half of the population does not pay taxes. If the citizens do not pay their fair share, the financial gap between the wealthy and the poor will start to grow exponentially. As this happens, the poor folks develop animosity towards the well-to-do folks which leads to more crimes and violence. Eventually, the society will indeed become unsafe for everyone to live in. For instance, the situation in Sierra Leone has become extremely violent and unsafe due to a big difference in the economic standards of many people. In conclusion, paying taxes is absolutely imperative because without that not only can the government not ensure the progress of the nation, but also, without that a dangerous law and order situation comes to life in the community. Hence I disagree with the premise that people should keep their earnings to themselves.
There is a belief among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
instead
of paying a portion of their salary to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
, they should save it for themselves. This essay disagrees with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates a greater economic disparity in the society.
Firstly
, this essay will outline that not paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
impedes the authorities' ability to invest in the development efforts, followed by how this will create an insecure living situation.

Income from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
being the major source of revenue for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, if they are not paid, it diminishes their power to spend for the advancement of the nation. They would not be able to develop infrastructure,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
education, provide health care or strengthen the military.
Consequently
, the nation's
overall
progress will lag behind as compared to other countries in the world. As an illustration, Zimbabwe has fallen
seriously
down in the list of developed nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
almost half of the population does not pay taxes.

If the citizens do not pay their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
share, the financial gap between the wealthy and the poor will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to grow
exponentially
. As this happens, the poor folks develop animosity towards the well-to-do folks which leads to more crimes and violence.
Eventually
, the society will
indeed
become unsafe for everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
For instance
, the situation in Sierra Leone has become
extremely
violent and unsafe due to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference in the economic standards of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
is
absolutely
imperative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
not ensure the progress of the nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, without that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
law and order situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to life in the community.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
I disagree with the premise that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their earnings to themselves.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which way do you prefer to spend time: with a small number of close friends or with many friends? Compare these two views. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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