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Should school education be made compulsory till the age of 18 years? Support your opinion with reasons and examples v.1

Should school education be made compulsory till the age of 18 years? Support your opinion with reasons and examples v. 1
The foundation of a successful life, both socially and economically, is built during school years. In school children not only learn subjects, but also interact with the peer group. This not only builds a knowledge base, but also the ability and confidence to express themselves. For these reasons, I believe school education should be compulsory for every child. Educating children on diverse subjects is important to make them informed and better citizens. Learning the history of a country helps them understand the innumerable sacrifices, various individuals made to build their country. For instance, learning South African history helps the young generation understand and recognize how their country is built upon the foundation of sacrifices that won independence but also ended exploitative apartheid system. Similarly, a deeper understanding of sciences and mathematics enables them to comprehend the rapidly evolving world of modern technology. This also gives them the power to make calculated decisions in the world of business. Moreover, subjects such as geography increase their understanding of their country’s landscape and its people. Researchers have proven that children learn as much from teachers and books as they learn from their peer group. Interaction and discussion with classmates are vital to long-term retention and character building of children. Schools provides a perfect platform for this purpose. For example, research has shown that even in schools in the remotest corners of India, where quality teachers and infrastructure are not available, students’ intelligence quotient is close to those in the capital. This has largely been attributed to social interaction in schools. In conclusion, school education plays a major role in the creation of responsible and well-informed citizens. Compulsory school education ensures that every child in the country learns subjects necessary to make informed choices and interacts with his peer group in an intelligent way.
The foundation of a successful life, both
socially
and
economically
,
is built
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
years. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
interact with the peer group. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
builds a knowledge base,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the ability and confidence to express themselves. For these reasons, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education should be compulsory for every child.

Educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them informed and better citizens. Learning the history of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them understand the innumerable sacrifices, various individuals made to build their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, learning South African history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the young generation understand and recognize how their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is built
upon the foundation of sacrifices that won independence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ended exploitative apartheid system.

Similarly
, a deeper understanding of sciences and mathematics enables them to comprehend the
rapidly
evolving world of modern technology. This
also
gives them the power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
calculated decisions in the world of business.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as geography increase their understanding of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
landscape and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Researchers have proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
as much from teachers and books as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from their peer group. Interaction and discussion with classmates are vital to long-term retention and character building of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "school provides".
Schools provides
a perfect platform for this purpose.
For example
, research has shown that even in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in the remotest corners of India, where quality teachers and infrastructure are not available, students’ intelligence quotient is close to those in the capital. This has
largely
been attributed
to social interaction in schools.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education plays a major role in the creation of responsible and well-informed citizens. Compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education ensures that every child in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
informed choices and interacts with his peer group
Consider replacing "in an intelligent way" with the adverb for "intelligent"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an intelligent way
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Should school education be made compulsory till the age of 18 years? Support your opinion with reasons and examples v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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