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New education policy has been introduced by the government. According to this policy, children are required to remain in the school or college till the age of 18. Discuss advantage or disadvantage of this policy. v.2

New education policy has been introduced by the government. According to this policy, children are required to remain in the school or college till the age of 18. Discuss advantage or disadvantage of this policy. v. 2
Some countries require their children to remain at the school until the age of thirteen and others require children to continue their school education till the age of eighteen. In keeping view that children must get the education so that they are future ready to join the workforce and get enough maturity for their coming life, the government has passed a bill that keeps children in the school before they turn eighteen. Firstly, it is believed that children can not get sufficient education before the age of eighteen. Consequently, a child is not mature enough to deal with challenges of life. Life can be challenging for children if they are not guided properly. For example, kids may not understand how to tackle problems like drug abuse. Kids are always curious and therefore they may fall prey to people like drug dealers who would only want money. Additionally, there are so many changes that occur before the age of eighteen that children may not be comfortable with like menstruation, other bodily and emotional changes. When teenagers are among their peers they learn better how to deal with such conditions. Additionally, skill development is not possible before the age of eighteen. In fact, it takes many more years for us to learn skills that are required at work such as communication skills, computer skills, interpersonal skills, time management, leadership ability etcetera. As technology is advancing, the need for skill development is increasing and therefore a child cannot be assumed to be earning a decent living before learning such skills. To sum up, the decision of the government that children should remain in school or college till the age of eighteen is commendable because it gives a child time to become mature enough so that he is able to deal with challenges of life and to learn skills required for a living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries require their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to remain at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of thirteen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education till the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen. In keeping view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are future ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the workforce and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
maturity for their coming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has passed a bill that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
they turn eighteen.

Firstly
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sufficient education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen.
Consequently
, a child is not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to deal with challenges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
can be challenging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they are not guided
properly
.
For example
, kids may not understand how to tackle problems like drug abuse. Kids are always curious and
therefore
they may fall prey to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like drug dealers who would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want money.
Additionally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that occur
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not be comfortable with like menstruation, other
bodily
and emotional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are among their peers they learn better how to deal with such conditions.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
development is not possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen. In fact, it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more years for us to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that
are required
at work such as communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, time management, leadership ability etcetera. As technology is advancing, the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
development is increasing and
therefore
a child cannot
be assumed
to be earning a decent living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
learning such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To sum up, the decision of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should remain in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or college till the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen is commendable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives a child time to become mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he is able to deal with challenges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
required for a living.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay New education policy has been introduced by the government. According to this policy, children are required to remain in the school or college till the age of 18. Discuss advantage or disadvantage of this policy. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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