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Should parents be obliged to immunise their children against childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the rights to choose not to immunise their children? v.1

Should parents be obliged to immunise their children against childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the rights to choose not to immunise their children? v. 1
In spite of the fact that parents can make their decisions in terms of immunising or not immunising their children from deadly diseases, they have to feel a responsibility to their children. From my point of view, it must not be optional and all children have to be vaccinated. We all know that children who are less than 6 or 7 age are vulnerable to diseases and should have fatal results or big problems in their forthcoming future life if they are not protected from heinous diseases. Though these childhood illnesses might seem very simple, parents must pay attention to their children who are at these ages. By the way, it must not be voluntary for parents to decide what they must do. It is also the future of the country and the nation in terms of having a strong nation. Namely, children comprise the basis of education in the country, so children have a bulk and vital role in the country in terms of education and future. For this reason, governments have to make something special for that, such as legislations. These sorts of regulations will make parents feel responsible for their children. Children, who suffer from deadly diseases and get affected by that in future, actually start hating their parents. Think about how sad it would be when a child suffers from physical disability only because his parents decided not to vaccinate him in his childhood? That is something we never want to happen to our nation. Actually, there are also some families who want to immunise their children but haven't got sufficient budget to spend for that. In that way, governments have to undertake immunising such children and assign subsidies for those of children. People haven't got the rights not to vaccinate their children. This is not an option, this is a must. Because it is inhumane for both children and parents who might become the victim of deadly diseases. To sum up, parents must be responsible for their children and they mustn't choose to immunise or not immunise, that should be a must for parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their decisions in terms of
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunising' is British English.
immunising
or not
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunising' is British English.
immunising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
feel a responsibility to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. From my point of view, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be optional and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be vaccinated
.

We all know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are less than 6 or 7 age are vulnerable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and should have fatal results or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problems in their forthcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life if they are not protected from heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. Though these childhood illnesses might seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are at these ages. By the way, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be voluntary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to decide what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do. It is
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of the country and the nation in terms of having a strong nation.
Namely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
comprise the basis of education in the country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a bulk and vital role in the country in terms of education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
something special for that, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
legislations
. These sorts of regulations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel responsible for their children.

Children,
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who
suffer from deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
hating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Think
about how sad it would be when a child suffers from physical disability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
decided not to vaccinate him in his childhood?
That is
something we never want to happen to our nation. Actually, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunise' is British English.
immunise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
haven't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
sufficient budget to spend for that. In that way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undertake
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunising' is British English.
immunising
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and assign subsidies for those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
haven't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the rights not to vaccinate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is not an option, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is inhumane for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
might become the victim of deadly diseases.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be responsible for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they mustn't choose to
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunise' is British English.
immunise
or not
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunise' is British English.
immunise
, that should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Should parents be obliged to immunise their children against childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the rights to choose not to immunise their children? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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