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Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. In your opinion, which modern invention or scientific discovery has affected society the most? v.2

Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. In your opinion, which modern invention or scientific discovery has affected society the most? v. 2
In modern world various invention brought revolution to our society. however, in my opinion, internet is huge invention happened in our society. As we say, “coin has two sides. ” Same way internet also has both good and bad effects on us. I will elaborate my reasons in the ensuing paragraphs. To begin with, internet has brought lot of comfort to our lives. we can use internet through various mediums such as computer, tablet, mobile phone and many more. With the help of internet people can save their time and money. For example, if I want to book tickets for any concert then I can book from home through internet. Additionally, people have online baking most convenient option. they do not have run to the ATM or bank to withdraw money. Once, I went to supermarket and I forgot my purse at home. I was not having any cash in my pocket. At that time, I used online cash pay option from my mobile phone. Further, internet is also valuable for students for their education. On internet students can excess numerous material for their study. For example, there are various sites and online library on which they can use books and papers for their study. For example, when I was preparing for my TOEFL exam I used online library books and exams. Not only that, but internet also give convince to travel. we can book our ride online and hotels in which we would like to live. On top of that Google maps is most known application to find out map of our destination. Beside that internet is also helpful in businesses. online shopping is a trend in today’s generation. amazon is the most famous known online brand. On amazon people can buy and sell their products. Apart from that people can make their own online site and sell their products. Person who buy a product from online, they can review on that site about product. This information can help other people who would like to buy that product. however, internet also has few demerits. today’s generation has become addicted to the internet. internet distract people from their work and education. For example, one of my friend is always busy in social networking site and because of that he got low grades in his university program. Not only that even children are attracted to internet. they like to play online games. which makes them inactive and introvert. Let’s put in nut shell, internet brought excess to information even in developing countries of world. According to me, internet has abundant merits compare to demerits. Based on that I strongly believe that internet is the invention which has widely affected the society.
In modern world various invention brought revolution to our society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, in my opinion, internet is huge invention happened in our society. As we say, “coin has two sides. ” Same way internet
also
has both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on us. I will elaborate my reasons in the ensuing paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, internet has brought
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
comfort to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet through various mediums such as computer, tablet, mobile phone and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save their time and money. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, if I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
tickets for any concert then I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
from home through internet.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
baking most convenient option.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
do not have run to the ATM or bank to withdraw money. Once, I went to supermarket and I forgot my purse at home. I was not having any cash in my pocket. At that time, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
cash pay option from my mobile phone.

Further
, internet is
also
valuable for students for their education. On internet students can excess numerous material for their study. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
library on which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and papers for their study. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, when I was preparing for my TOEFL exam I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
library
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and exams. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
internet
also
give convince
Did you mean "traveling", "travelling"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'convince' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to travel
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
our ride
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and hotels in which we would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
On top of that
Did you mean "Google Maps"?
Google maps
is most known application to find out map of our destination.

Beside that internet is
also
helpful in businesses.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
online
shopping is a trend in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
amazon
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
brand. On
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Apart from that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
and sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, they can review on that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. This information can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that product.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, internet
also
has few demerits.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
today
’s generation has become addicted to the internet.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
internet
distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from their work and education. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, one of my friend is always busy in social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
low grades in his university program. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that even children
are attracted
to internet.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
like to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
games.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them inactive and introvert.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s put in nut shell, internet brought excess to information even in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
of world.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, internet has abundant merits compare to demerits. Based on that I
strongly
believe that internet is the invention which has
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the society.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. In your opinion, which modern invention or scientific discovery has affected society the most? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
450 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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