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Should International news be kept as a subject in secondary school. Discuss both sides. v.2

Should International news be kept as a subject in secondary school. v. 2
The world globalization continues be one of the most important processes during our times. Countries have been tighted together more and this trend leads to the Importance of International news. Personally, I believe that Global news should be taught in secondary school, because this subject would represent the whole world to children from different prospectives and it would develop children's critical thinking. To begin with, the news is a perfect source of up-to-date information and it shows the most important processes in the country. In addition to this, such selected and standard material can help to compare aspects and details well. For example, if protests and meetings are shown constantly, it indicates a high level of democracy of the country and that these events indicate some general trend. Overall, the news always tries to highlight the most important aspects and covers all of them. Secondly, the news can be perfect samples to practice analytical skills, because good news gives a plethora of facts. Also, this fact can be compared with the ones in the local news, which gives some ideas to think about. As an example, I always remember my lessons in geography and how out teacher taught us general methods of analysis by comparing the different countries' positions on the map. This gives me an idea, that news are somewhat similar to my teacher's approach and that any analysis develops critical thinking perfectly. In conclusion, information in general is the main source of inspiration and news is a useful example of concise information, which gives many facts. Due to this, it can widely used as a sample, which helps to develop both knowledge and thinking abilities. One can only hope that there would be more International new services and more reliable information would be given to us for everybody's sake.
The world globalization
Probably a preposition is missing after 'continues'.
continues be
one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
processes during our times. Countries have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
tighted
together more and this trend leads to the Importance of International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Personally
, I believe that Global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should
be taught
in secondary school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this subject would represent the whole world to children from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
prospectives
and it would develop children's critical thinking.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is a perfect source of up-to-date
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
processes in the country.
In addition
to this, such selected and standard material can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to compare aspects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
well.
For example
, if protests and meetings
are shown
constantly
, it indicates a high level of democracy of the country and that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
indicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
general trend.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
always tries to highlight the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects and covers all of them.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
can be perfect samples to practice analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
a plethora of facts.
Also
, this fact can
be compared
with the ones in the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about. As an example, I always remember my lessons in geography and how out teacher taught us general methods of analysis by comparing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries' positions on the map. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
me an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are somewhat similar to my teacher's approach and that any analysis develops critical thinking
perfectly
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in general
is the main source of inspiration and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is a useful example of concise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facts. Due to this, it can
widely
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "use"
used
as a sample, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop both knowledge and thinking abilities. One can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hope that there would be more International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
services and more reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to us for everybody's sake.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Should International news be kept as a subject in secondary school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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