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You recently read an article in newspaper about someone you know personally. You found some information is wrong. Write a letter to editor to inform him about it. Use following points: What is the article about? What is the error? What you expect an editor t v.1

You recently read an article in newspaper about someone you know personally. You found some information is wrong. Write a letter to editor to inform him about it. Use following points: What is the article about? What is the error? What you expect an editor t v. 1
Historical has an important role to play in the knowledge acquisition process of children. While I agree that learning historical events of their own countries are essential, I also contend that global history should not be overlooked because of the benefits it brings to children. On the one hand, there are several reasons why studying local history pays dividends for the growth of a child. Firstly, historical events in textbooks can help students thorough insights into what happened in the past at local. For example, students of all levels are taught how their former soldiers and ancestors against invaders to protect the sovereignty of the country. Therefore, they would take pride in their origin and treasure life today. Secondly, those young individuals also learn their cultures and origins through history lessons, which reminds them of their roots and contributes to an all-round education. On the other hand, it is wrong to reject the teaching of world history. In contemporary, when the world is becoming globalized and migrant workers have made any community a global village. An understanding of a foreign country’s history would help young individuals to assimilate into the global community. For instance, studying the world’s history broadens children’s horizon and they can learn to accept divergent cultures and customs that exist, making life more interesting. Also, children would benefit when learning of local history is placed parallel to the world history. To understand history more deeply and thoroughly at a local historical event, children should put the regional and sometimes even the world in the context. For example, schoolchildren would have a comprehensive view of Vietnam's independence in 1945 only happened after a series of historical events in the world such as Japan defeated the French army and Japan’s surrender to the allies. In conclusion, it is ludicrous to compare the two areas of the subject because they contribute equally to the overall development of a child. Children must develop a passion for both local and world history in contemporary society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Historical
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to play in the knowledge acquisition process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries are essential, I
also
contend that global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should not
be overlooked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the benefits it brings to children.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
pays dividends for the growth of a child.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in textbooks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students thorough insights into what happened in the past at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
.
For example
, students of all levels
are taught
how their former soldiers and ancestors against invaders to protect the sovereignty of the country.
Therefore
, they would take pride in their origin and treasure life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Secondly
, those young individuals
also
learn their cultures and origins through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
lessons, which reminds them of their roots and contributes to an all-round education.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to reject the teaching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. In contemporary, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is becoming globalized and migrant workers have made any community a global village. An understanding of a foreign country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young individuals to assimilate into the global community.
For instance
, studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
broadens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
horizon and
they can learn to accept divergent cultures and customs that exist, making life more interesting.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would benefit when learning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is placed
parallel to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. To understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
more
deeply
and
thoroughly
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should put the regional and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in the context.
For example
, schoolchildren would have a comprehensive view of Vietnam's independence in 1945
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happened after a series of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
such as Japan defeated the French army and Japan’s surrender to the allies.

In conclusion
, it is ludicrous to compare the two areas of the subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contribute
equally
to the
overall
development of a child.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
develop a passion for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in contemporary society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You recently read an article in newspaper about someone you know personally. You found some information is wrong. Write a letter to editor to inform him about it. Use following points: What is the article about? What is the error? What you expect an editor t v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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