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should countries offer money to stay-at-home mothers to support them as they raise their children? Explain your answer. v.1

should countries offer money to stay-at-home mothers to support them as they raise their children? Explain your answer. v. 1
Crimes are increasing in the modern era which has brought many problems in the society. Many believe that death sentence should be given to the culprit who attempt serious offence to control the violence while others ponder that it is not acceptable in the society. In this essay, I will be discussing the merits and demerits of whether to give capital punishment or not along with my opinion in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, crimes are rapidly committed by criminals in order to take revenge from the people because of small issues. There are some benefits to give capital punishment to the criminals as it will make living safer and secure. In some cases, it is the only way to deal with a wrongdoer as they are not guilty of their act which can force the judiciary to take some strict action against them although it can reduce the offences in the future. If one criminal gets death penalty for heinous crime such as rape, murder, and acid attack then it will serve the justice to the victim as well as lessons for those who are thinking to commit similar offences. On the contrary, there are drawbacks of the same as it can bring unwanted panic among people related to the constitution. If giving big trial can decrease the crimes in the country than if every country can implement these rules and regulations in order to reduce the offence but in minor cases it should not be the option. By punishing the culprits for 6 months or 1 year for small crime can be a lesson for others. In my opinion, the penalty should be given as per the level of crime as if all the crimes have same punishment, then people will not take laws seriously then they will attempt more crimes by thinking that they will get the same punishment by committing any offence. To conclude, death sentence for culprit should be necessary in heinous crimes as it will be a lesson for others. Punishment is required in order to make society better and peaceful.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
are increasing in the modern era which has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that death sentence should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the culprit who attempt serious
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
to control the violence while others ponder that it is not acceptable in the society. In this essay, I will be discussing the merits and demerits of whether to give capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
or not along with my opinion in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are
rapidly
committed by criminals in order to take revenge from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
issues. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to give capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to the criminals as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
living safer and secure. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to deal with a wrongdoer as they are not guilty of their act which can force the judiciary to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict action against them although it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
in the future. If one criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
death penalty for heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
such as rape, murder, and acid attack then it will serve the justice to the victim
as well
as lessons for those who are thinking to commit similar
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.

On the contrary
, there are drawbacks of the same as it can bring unwanted panic among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
related to the constitution. If giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
trial can decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the country than if every country can implement these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in minor cases it should not be the option. By punishing the culprits for 6 months or 1 year for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can be a lesson for others.

In my opinion, the penalty should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as per the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as if all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not take laws
seriously
then they will attempt more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by thinking that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
by committing any
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.

To conclude
, death sentence for culprit should be necessary in heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as it will be a lesson for others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishment
is required
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
society better and peaceful.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay should countries offer money to stay-at-home mothers to support them as they raise their children? Explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
348 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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