Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People say that it is impossible for women to be an effective women and to be a good mother in home at the same time. They also suggest that the government should give the salary to mothers who stay at home to take care of their children. v.2

People say that it is impossible for women to be an effective women and to be a good mother in home at the same time. They also suggest that the government should give the salary to mothers who stay at home to take care of their children. v. 2
Nowadays, circumstance of women`s life in home and social activities is one of the most prominent challenges in whole of world. There are significant debates about women`s job out of home between social researchers in recent decades. Some social experts claim that women can`t be successful in maternal and social activities simultaneously. Numerous countries in all over the world distinguished several months respite for mothers after childbirth to stay at home and concentrate on their new baby`s demands. Although this attitude is beneficial and appropriate for mothers and babies, many social planners emphasize that mothers should stay at home forever to take care of their children as best as they can. Recent investigations in Middle East countries illustrated that more than three forth of people are unanimous in advantages of remaining mothers at home after their childbirth. As social experts` opinion, because of the importance of parental responsibility, governments should support mothers by eliminating their financial issues and give salary to them. They believe that this approach can influence on increasing the population of developed countries to distribute their developments. On the other hand, some human right activists argue that women should be involve in social activities as effective members. Hence, they are disagree with mothers` restricted activities at home and insist that mothers can fulfill their maternal and social activities properly because they are very powerful. According to last researches in U. K. more than 60% of mothers got depressed and isolated after 5 years remaining at home. Social researchers in developed countries believe that because of same rights for men and women, mothers can decide for their lifestyle by their own. In conclusion, it is obvious that sometime women are more victorious in comparison with men and it reveal that there is not a direct relationship between success and gender. In my point of view, in contemporary century with several technological improvements there is not a particular difference between men and women. I believe that governments and people can devise some profitable plans to fabricate a reasonable balance for women` s activities.
Nowadays, circumstance of
The character between 'women' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "women’s" (curly apostrophe) or "women's" (straight apostrophe).
women`s
life in home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is one of the most prominent challenges in whole of world. There are significant debates about
The character between 'women' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "women’s" (curly apostrophe) or "women's" (straight apostrophe).
women`s
job out of home between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
researchers in recent decades.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
experts claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "can't" or "can’t".
can`t
be successful in maternal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
simultaneously
. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in all over the world distinguished several months respite for mothers after childbirth to stay at home and concentrate on their new
The character between 'baby' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "baby’s" (curly apostrophe) or "baby's" (straight apostrophe).
baby`s
demands. Although this attitude is beneficial and appropriate for mothers and babies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
planners emphasize that mothers should stay at home forever to take care of their children as
Did you mean "good"?
best
as they can. Recent investigations in Middle East
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
illustrated that more than three forth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unanimous in advantages of remaining mothers at home after their childbirth. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
experts` opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the importance of parental responsibility,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should support mothers by eliminating their financial issues and give salary to them. They believe that this approach can influence on increasing the population of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to distribute their developments.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "humans"?
human
right activists argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
Consider using the past participle "involved"?
involve
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as effective members.
Hence
, they are
Consider using a past participle here: "disagreed".
disagree
with mothers` restricted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at home and insist that mothers can fulfill their maternal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
powerful. According to last researches in U. K. more than 60% of mothers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
depressed and isolated after 5 years remaining at home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
researchers in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of same rights for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, mothers can decide for their lifestyle by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

In conclusion
, it is obvious that sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more victorious
in comparison
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and it
Did you mean "reveals"?
reveal
that there is not a direct relationship between success and gender. In my point of view, in contemporary century with several technological improvements there is not a particular difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can devise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
profitable plans to fabricate a reasonable balance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women`
s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay People say that it is impossible for women to be an effective women and to be a good mother in home at the same time. They also suggest that the government should give the salary to mothers who stay at home to take care of their children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts