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University education should be free to everyone, regardless of income. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

University education should be free to everyone, regardless of income. v. 4
It is believed by some people that the technology use today makes people more sociable, while others think that modern technology makes people less sociable. Although, technological advancement has offered many the opportunity to interact without distance barrier, I am of the view that it has reduced close interactions within our immediate environment. On the one hand, it is believed that the recent technological advancements allow people to interact with others outside their immediate surrounding. This is because people can now make friends and maintain relationships with individuals who are far from them through the use of the internet. For example, by means of social networks websites such as Facebook and Telegram, people can make friends online and keep in touch despite having distance barriers. As a result, some think that there are more opportunities to socialise due to recent technology. On the other hand, many people are addicted to technology, which prevents them from socializing with others around them. This occurs because with few exceptions, people are now preoccupied with watching movies on television, chatting online or playing music and video games rather than discussing at length with family members, making new friends or having face-to-face interactions with their neighbours. For instance, a recent study in Nigeria identified the use of modern technology as a major impediment to efforts geared towards making youths more friendly and interactive. Thus, modern technology has adversely affected interactions between people today. I agree with this viewpoint. In conclusion, while through the use of technology can make people socialize with others outside their surroundings, I am of the view that the addiction to technology has reduced the time available for people to interact with others in their environment. This has make people less sociable.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more sociable, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less sociable. Although, technological advancement has offered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
the opportunity to interact without distance barrier, I am of the view that it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
close interactions within our immediate environment.

On the one hand, it
is believed
that the recent technological advancements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with others outside their immediate surrounding. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends and maintain relationships with individuals who are far from them through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet.
For example
, by means of social networks websites such as Facebook and Telegram,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends online and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch despite having distance barriers.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are more opportunities to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
due to recent technology.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialize' and 'socialise') within a single text.
socializing
with others around them. This occurs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with few exceptions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
preoccupied with watching movies on television, chatting online or playing music and video games
rather
than discussing at length with family members, making new friends or having face-to-face interactions with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
For instance
, a recent study in Nigeria identified the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as a major impediment to efforts geared towards making youths more friendly and interactive.
Thus
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
interactions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint.

In conclusion
, while through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialize' and 'socialise') within a single text.
socialize
with others outside their surroundings, I am of the view that the addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the time available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with others in their environment. This has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less sociable.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay University education should be free to everyone, regardless of income. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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