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It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spent it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spent it on the treatment of people who are already ill. v. 1
Governments should emphasize on funding in a healthy lifestyle instead of investing revenue on medicines to prevent the prevailing dangerous diseases of patients. I, partially, agree with this viewpoint, because giving a healthy life of citizens is equally as important as healing of serious patients. To begin with, it is true preventing of any kinds of ailments must be the first priority of citizens as well as authorities. This is because governments have to provide the least amount of money, if they make aware of the public regarding the serious consequences of unhealthy habits. For example, children and older people would like to eat whatever and wherever they want, so that diseases, like weight problems, and obesity occurs. As a result, they suffer from health-related issues which abstain them from thinking about their career. For that reason, increasing awareness among young and senior citizens, not only provide them a healthy and balanced lifestyle, but it also reduces the cost of authorities in supplying costly medicines and other treatment instruments for patients. In contrast, at present, there are lots of fatal diseases such as AIDS, and different other cancers, which are impossible to cure for the common people. The reason is that for healing such perilous ailments, people need a huge amount of money. Taking into consideration, governments should come forward with helping hand for those patients who are struggling for money, if it would have, they would be free from these diseases. Moreover, governments must separate some revenue for building hospitals, buying the latest equipment for operation theatre, and medicines for curing HIV, and cancers to minimize the expense that generally goes to the public if it is not provided. In conclusion, it is a controversial issue about whether governments invest money on maintaining better lifestyle, or, whether they should provide funding for removing the existing severe diseases. From my perspective, the authorities of nations ought to focus on both good lifestyle and curing diseases.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
should emphasize on funding in a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
instead
of investing revenue on medicines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the prevailing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
of patients. I,
partially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
giving a healthy life of citizens is
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as healing of serious patients.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true preventing of any kinds of ailments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the
first
priority of citizens
as well
as authorities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide the least amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
aware of the public regarding the serious consequences of unhealthy habits.
For example
, children and older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would like to eat whatever and wherever they want,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, like weight problems, and obesity occurs.
As a result
, they suffer from health-related issues which abstain them from thinking about their career. For that reason, increasing awareness among young and senior citizens, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide them a healthy and balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the cost of authorities in supplying costly medicines and other treatment instruments for patients.

In contrast
, at present, there are lots of fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as AIDS, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
other cancers, which are impossible to cure for the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The reason is that for healing such perilous ailments,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Taking into consideration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward with helping hand for those patients who are struggling for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, if it would have, they would be free from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
separate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
revenue for building hospitals, buying the latest equipment for operation
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, and medicines for curing HIV, and cancers to minimize the expense that
generally
goes to the public if it is not provided.

In conclusion
, it is a controversial issue about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on maintaining better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, or, whether they should provide funding for removing the existing severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. From my perspective, the authorities of nations ought to focus on both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and curing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spent it on the treatment of people who are already ill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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