Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries around the world, shopping has turned into a form of entertainment rather than a way of getting what people need. Discuss the reason for this trend. Is it a positive or negative development. v.1

In many countries around the world, shopping has turned into a form of entertainment rather than a way of getting what people need. Discuss the reason for this trend. Is it a positive or negative development. v. 1
Nowadays, the box is considered by many people like a dangerous sport because it often causes physical injuries. The practice of this exercise should not exist anymore. I argued that the box should be forbidden because it promotes violence and cause the death of many people. In this essay, I will discuss both parts of this question and give several reasons to support my point-views. First of all, boxing can cause physical damages. Indeed, the objective of this sport is to fight with its opponent. Consequently, it results with injuries and a lot of blood dump. For this reason, the athletes should respect some rules during the rings. For example, they cannot not touch the head of their opponent and could not continue to hit if this one is inconscious. However, even if it is a sport, many people use it to hit someone without respecting any of this quoted roles. In fact, it could cause the death of a person if it is not managed properly. I think that it helps people to think that the box and the violence behind this sport could be the solution to all their problems. Moreover, the government should forbide the practice of this exercise. Generally, people practice this it because they would like to become stronger than everyone. They thinking way is due to the history of this exercise, traditionally it was organised by different kings to divert themselves. I believe that today people should think differently by promoting peace than violence. For instance, in France only people with a psychological certificate can do this sport. So, the government should forbide this sport, particularly for people who do not use it in the right way. In conclusion, the box is often associated with violence. Its practice can cause physical injuries. It also should be forbidden by the government because many people do not use it in the right way.
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
box
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
physical injuries. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
of this exercise should not exist anymore. I argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
box
should
be forbidden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the death of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this essay, I will discuss both parts of this question and give several reasons to support my point-views.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, boxing can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
physical damages.
Indeed
, the objective of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is to fight with its opponent.
Consequently
, it results with injuries and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
blood dump.
For this reason
, the athletes should respect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
during the rings.
For example
, they cannot not touch the head of their opponent and could not continue to hit if this one is
Possible spelling mistake found.
inconscious
.
However
, even if it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to hit someone without respecting any of this quoted roles. In fact, it could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the death of a person if it is not managed
properly
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
box
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
behind this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
could be the solution to all their problems.

Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
forbide
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
of this exercise.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
this it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would like to become stronger than everyone.
Did you mean "They're thinking", "They are thinking", or "They were thinking"?
They thinking
way is due to the history of this exercise,
traditionally
it was
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kings to divert themselves. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
by promoting peace than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
For instance
, in France
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a psychological certificate can do this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
forbide
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
particularly
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in the right way.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
box
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. Its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
physical injuries. It
also
should
be forbidden
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in the right way.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries around the world, shopping has turned into a form of entertainment rather than a way of getting what people need. Discuss the reason for this trend. Is it a positive or negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts