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The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
The world today witnesses the conventional face-to-face discourse being gradually supplanted by social media. While this ongoing trend appears to be advantageous, it is probably overshadowed by certain demerits, which I will explain here. Firstly, social media communication could possibly give rise to an anxiety disorder. This mental health condition ranges from an addictive need to check social media to severe anxiety over being away from social media activity. Health experts worldwide have warned that such condition is likely to develop when one abuses or misuses such online channels. Secondly, it would probably breed poor, reactive behaviour in conversation. In the absence of social norms online interlocutors could easily end in a crude remark when one vilifies the other for an opposite idea. Last but not least, it might even subject the user to online harassment. Such offensive behaviour is often meant to demean, humiliate or embarrass an individual on a much wider scale than if it had been done in face-to-face situation. Notably, a number of victims are reported to have committed suicide allegedly due to such cruelty. Admittedly, social media would enable users to communicate far more conveniently than direct physical meetings. By chatting, posting or tweeting via Facebook or Twitter, for example, information exchange or sharing, regardless of distance, is just a click away. Despite this, such convenience should not put digital citizens at risk of the aforementioned. In conclusion, although social media can provide worldwide users with a better avenue for handy communication, I firmly believe that the drawbacks should surely outweigh the benefit on grounds of mental health hazards and negative behaviour mentioned. Of course, this is not to say that the use of social media must be dissuaded, but the thorny issues involved need careful consideration for the sake of all users.
The world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
witnesses the conventional face-to-face discourse being
gradually
supplanted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. While this ongoing trend appears to be advantageous, it is
probably
overshadowed by certain demerits, which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
here.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
communication could
possibly
give rise to an anxiety disorder. This mental health condition ranges from an addictive need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to severe anxiety over being away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
activity. Health experts worldwide have warned that such condition is likely to develop when one abuses or misuses such online channels.
Secondly
, it would
probably
breed poor, reactive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in conversation. In the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
norms online interlocutors could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
in a crude remark when one vilifies the other for an opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it might even subject the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
to online harassment. Such offensive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
meant to demean, humiliate or embarrass an individual on a much wider scale than if it had
been done
in face-to-face situation.
Notably
, a number of victims
are reported
to have committed suicide allegedly due to such cruelty.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
would enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
to communicate far more
conveniently
than direct physical meetings. By chatting, posting or tweeting via Facebook or Twitter,
for example
, information exchange or sharing, regardless of distance, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click away. Despite this, such convenience should not put digital citizens at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of the aforementioned.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can provide worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
with a better avenue for handy communication, I
firmly
believe that the drawbacks should
surely
outweigh the benefit on grounds of mental health hazards and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
mentioned.
Of course
, this is not to say that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be dissuaded
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the thorny issues involved need careful consideration for the sake of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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