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The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
The world today witnesses the conventional face-to-face discourse being gradually supplanted by social media. While this ongoing trend appears to be advantageous, it is probably overshadowed by certain demerits, which I will explain here. Firstly, social media communication could possibly give rise to an anxiety disorder. This mental health condition ranges from an addictive need to check social media to severe anxiety over being away from social media activity. Health experts worldwide have warned that such condition is likely to develop when one abuses or misuses such online channels. Secondly, it would probably breed poor, reactive behaviour in conversation. In the absence of social norms online interlocutors could easily end in a crude remark when one vilifies the other for an opposite idea. Last but not least, it might even subject the user to online harassment. Such offensive behaviour is often meant to demean, humiliate or embarrass an individual on a much wider scale than if it had been done in face-to-face situation. Notably, a number of victims are reported to have committed suicide allegedly due to such cruelty. Admittedly, social media would enable users to communicate far more conveniently than direct physical meetings. By chatting, posting or tweeting via Facebook or Twitter, for example, information exchange or sharing, regardless of distance, is just a click away. Despite this, such convenience should not put digital citizens at risk of the aforementioned. In conclusion, although social media can provide worldwide users with a better avenue for handy communication, I firmly believe that the drawbacks should surely outweigh the benefit on grounds of mental health hazards and negative behaviour mentioned. Of course, this is not to say that the use of social media must be dissuaded, but the thorny issues involved need careful consideration for the sake of all users.
The world
today
witnesses the conventional face-to-face discourse being
gradually
supplanted by
social
media
. While this ongoing trend appears to be advantageous, it is
probably
overshadowed by certain demerits, which I will
explain
here.

Firstly
,
social
media
communication could
possibly
give rise to an anxiety disorder. This mental health condition ranges from an addictive need to
check
social
media
to severe anxiety over being away from
social
media
activity. Health experts worldwide have warned that such condition is likely to develop when one abuses or misuses such online channels.
Secondly
, it would
probably
breed poor, reactive
behaviour
in conversation. In the absence of
social
norms online interlocutors could
easily
end
in a crude remark when one vilifies the other for an opposite
idea
. Last
but
not least, it might even subject the
user
to online harassment. Such offensive
behaviour
is
often
meant to demean, humiliate or embarrass an individual on a much wider scale than if it had
been done
in face-to-face situation.
Notably
, a number of victims
are reported
to have committed suicide allegedly due to such cruelty.

Admittedly
,
social
media
would enable
users
to communicate far more
conveniently
than direct physical meetings. By chatting, posting or tweeting via Facebook or Twitter,
for example
, information exchange or sharing, regardless of distance, is
just
a click away. Despite this, such convenience should not put digital citizens at
risk
of the aforementioned.

In conclusion
, although
social
media
can provide worldwide
users
with a better avenue for handy communication, I
firmly
believe that the drawbacks should
surely
outweigh the benefit on grounds of mental health hazards and
negative
behaviour
mentioned.
Of course
, this is not to say that the
use
of
social
media
must
be dissuaded
,
but
the thorny issues involved need careful consideration for the sake of all
users
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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