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select between variety of subjects in order to get a broad education or single subject in order to have deeper understanding of that area v.1

select between variety of subjects in order to get a broad education or single subject in order to have deeper understanding of that area v. 1
In the modern world, the technology has opened the door for infinite opportunities. To explore these chances, an ample amount of human effort is required. Consequently, the amount of workload on the limited human resources has forced the employers to push their employee to work even on non-working days. In my opinion, this has more negative effects on society than positive outcomes Firstly, mental health of an employee will follow a downward trend due to overworking. The human brain needs to take a break to revitalize its neural network. Also, a fresh brain in more productions than brain dealing with fatigue, which leads to more productive outcomes by the people. As an example, many countries in Europe have made a four-day work week instead of five to give their citizen plethora of time to recharge their mind while increasing their performance. Secondly, everybody wants their employer to respect their private life. Any interference on after work hours will nucleate the feeling of dissatisfaction among the workers. Eventually, the business house will end up losing loyal employees if interference in the personal time of the employees will not stop. For instance, I will not prefer my boss to call me when I am spending quality time with my family. However, certain businesses require constant communication between the employer and their subjects. As an example, the hospital needs to in constant in touch with doctors and nurses to check their availability in case of emergencies. Also, in the defence industry where country’s security is always at risk from foreign as well as domestic nuisances, one cannot make the excuse of the holiday while serving the nation. To sum up, maximum efforts should be made to ensure that the workers will have a good work-life balance. Although, in certain emergency situation the communication with the workers is must. I believe that any foreign interference in personal hours of person will have more disadvantages than the positive outcomes.
In the modern world, the technology has opened the door for infinite opportunities. To explore these chances, an ample amount of human effort
is required
.
Consequently
, the amount of workload on the limited human resources has forced the employers to push their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
to work even on non-working days. In my opinion, this has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on society than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes

Firstly
, mental health of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
will follow a downward trend due to overworking. The human brain needs to take a break to revitalize its neural network.
Also
, a fresh brain in more productions than brain dealing with fatigue, which leads to more productive outcomes by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in Europe have made a four-day work week
instead
of five to give their citizen plethora of time to recharge their mind while increasing their performance.

Secondly
, everybody wants their employer to respect their private life. Any interference on after work hours will nucleate the feeling of dissatisfaction among the workers.
Eventually
, the business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up losing loyal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
if interference in the personal time of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
.
For instance
, I will not prefer my boss to call me when I am spending quality time with my family.

However
, certain businesses require constant communication between the employer and their subjects. As an example, the hospital needs to in constant in touch with doctors and nurses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their availability in case of emergencies.
Also
, in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
industry where country’s security is always at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
from foreign
as well
as domestic nuisances, one cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the excuse of the holiday while serving the nation.

To sum up, maximum efforts should
be made
to ensure that the workers will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work-life balance.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, in certain emergency situation the communication with the workers is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
. I believe that any foreign interference in personal hours of person will have more disadvantages than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay select between variety of subjects in order to get a broad education or single subject in order to have deeper understanding of that area v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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