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do you prefer to go someplace you have never been before or someplace you have been before? use details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

do you prefer to go someplace you have never been before or someplace you have been before? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
Particularly students in Asian countries are required to spend vast amounts of time either attending classes or in preparing for them. The causes can be attributed to the Education system, the expectations of parents and to the attitudes of the students themselves. Solutions range from decreasing the number of subjects in the curriculum, focusing less on exams and more on group learning, to have parents and students developed a greater awareness of the need to spend time away from studying. The Education System is often seen as a major contributor to the problem. The emphasis on schools achieving ever better exam results restricts creativity and initiative, as well as preventing change. Too often school administrators and teachers are judged by their students’ performance in exams, rather than on such less-easily assessed measures as student satisfaction, happiness or even their ability to ultimately find paid employment. If the System were to adopt different values in defining success, then schools might behave very differently. Parents play a significant role in this problem. As families move to try to escape from the modern rural poverty, parents often place great emphasis and make a considerable financial sacrifice on educating their children in the hope that they will take them out of the poverty trap. In many parts of Asia parents still overly-influence their children in their choice of university course and in potential careers. This has resulted in considerable ‘over-supply’ in those courses perceived as leading to good incomes, particularly in banking and financial services. Parents do need to be much more aware of the interests and talents of their children in planning study paths. Too often students themselves contribute to the problem by being overly-competitive and unduly scared of being seen as a failure. This self-induced pressure is perhaps the most difficult to change as students are unwilling to disappoint their families and are often convinced that failure to reach the top academically means a life of poverty and worthlessness. If students could be shown that there are many other ways to judge the worth of people, such as creativity, leadership, inspiration, honesty and integrity, then the over-emphasis on success in examinations might diminish. To conclude, many people in Asia are particularly concerned that the lives of their children are being consumed by the perceived need for constant work and study. Educational administrators, parents and students all contribute to the problem, though few see ways to change it. Possible solutions involve changing the system itself to a less exam-centred curriculum, convincing parents that the workforce is over-crowded with unemployed graduates, and helping students to take the pressure off themselves by identifying other criteria of success. With these measures, the lives of children might change dramatically over time.
Particularly
students
in Asian countries
are required
to spend vast amounts of time either attending classes or in preparing for them. The causes can
be attributed
to the Education
system
, the expectations of
parents
and to the attitudes of the
students
themselves. Solutions range from decreasing the number of subjects in the curriculum, focusing less on exams and more on group learning, to have
parents
and
students
developed a greater awareness of the need to spend time away from studying.

The Education
System
is
often
seen
as a major contributor to the
problem
. The emphasis on schools achieving ever better exam results restricts creativity and initiative,
as well
as preventing
change
. Too
often
school administrators and teachers
are judged
by their
students’
performance in exams,
rather
than on such less-
easily
assessed measures as
student
satisfaction, happiness or even their ability to
ultimately
find paid employment. If the
System
were to adopt
different
values in defining success, then schools might behave
very
differently
.

Parents play a significant role in this
problem
. As families
move
to try to escape from the modern rural poverty,
parents
often
place great emphasis and
make
a considerable financial sacrifice on educating their
children
in the hope that they will take them out of the poverty trap. In
many
parts of Asia
parents
still
overly
-influence their
children
in their choice of university course and in potential careers. This has resulted in considerable ‘over-supply’ in those courses perceived as leading to
good
incomes,
particularly
in banking and financial services.
Parents
do need to be much more aware of the interests and talents of their
children
in planning study paths.

Too
often
students
themselves contribute to the
problem
by being
overly
-competitive and
unduly
scared of being
seen
as a failure. This self-induced pressure is perhaps the most difficult to
change
as
students
are unwilling to disappoint their families and are
often
convinced that failure to reach the top
academically
means a life of poverty and worthlessness. If
students
could
be shown
that there are
many
other ways to judge the worth of
people
, such as creativity, leadership, inspiration, honesty and integrity, then the over-emphasis on success in examinations might diminish.

To conclude
,
many
people
in Asia are
particularly
concerned that the
lives
of their
children
are
being consumed
by the perceived need for constant work and study. Educational administrators,
parents
and
students
all contribute to the
problem
, though few
see
ways to
change
it. Possible solutions involve changing the
system
itself to a less
exam-centred
curriculum, convincing
parents
that the workforce is over-crowded with unemployed graduates, and helping
students
to take the pressure off themselves by identifying other criteria of success. With these measures, the
lives
of
children
might
change
dramatically
over time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay do you prefer to go someplace you have never been before or someplace you have been before? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
454 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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