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Scientists believe that in the near future cars will be driven by computers. What are the reasons behind it? Would it be a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion. v.2

Scientists believe that in the near future cars will be driven by computers. What are the reasons behind it? Would it be a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion. v. 2
The computer has brought significant changes to our lives in recent years. Some scientists claim that automobiles will be ruled by the state-of-the-art technologies in the next years. Yet, there remains some disagreement as to whether the overall effect of this technology has been positive or negative. While there are certainly valid agreements to the contrary, I personally believe that the advantages of the driver-computer far outweigh its drawbacks. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that car industry is altering day by day. Auto brands such as Toyota, Tesla, BMV offer groundbreaking approaches that provide more comfort and flexibility. Moreover, some car concerns devised vehicles that use the water instead of the benzene. Also, it is not surprising that global market has the car that is able to fly if it necessary. Consequently, it is time to discover the car that drives by one click of laptop or tab. The whole world is expecting this treasured moment. In my view, all these achievements will be conquered thanks to cutting-edge technologies and groundbreaking finds. If these incredible and powerful tools produce, they facilitate convenient life for society members. More importantly, computer driving will decrease the number of car accident and death-tool since they do not speak with a mobile phone and drink alcohol. The second positive moment that people never lost since all car-computers will equip with a GPS-maps and special tools that find a destination. Also, parents, who drive the car, will save their energy after the work and can dedicate it to children upbringing. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the computer driver has a positive impact on modern society because it can ensure comfortable life and drop the number of road hazards.
The computer has brought significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
scientists claim that automobiles will
be ruled
by the state-of-the-art technologies in the
next
years.
Yet
, there remains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagreement
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
the
overall
effect of this technology has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. While there are
certainly
valid agreements to the contrary, I
personally
believe that the advantages of the driver-computer far outweigh its drawbacks.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an indisputable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
industry is altering day by day. Auto brands such as Toyota, Tesla, BMV offer groundbreaking approaches that provide more comfort and flexibility.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
concerns devised vehicles that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the water
instead
of the benzene.
Also
, it is not surprising that global market has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
that is
able to
fly
if
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
necessary.
Consequently
, it is time to discover the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
that drives by one click of laptop or tab. The whole world is expecting this treasured moment. In my view, all these achievements will
be conquered
thanks to cutting-edge technologies and groundbreaking finds.

If these incredible and powerful tools produce, they facilitate convenient life for society members. More
importantly
, computer driving will decrease the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
accident and death-tool since they do not speak with a mobile phone and drink alcohol. The second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
moment that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
never lost since all car-computers will equip with a GPS-maps and special tools that find a destination.
Also
, parents, who drive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, will save their energy after the work and can dedicate it to children upbringing.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the computer driver has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on modern society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can ensure comfortable life and drop the number of road hazards.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Scientists believe that in the near future cars will be driven by computers. What are the reasons behind it? Would it be a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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