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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree? v.8

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. v. 8
There is a view that the innate ability is a mandatory requirement to be successful in any sport. However, some believe that regular practice and hard work can bring success to a great extent. This essay will discuss both the perceptions and provide my opinion in favour of the latter. To begin with, people with an inborn skill to do any sport have a tendency to learn it faster than anyone else and become successful. This makes them outperform others who lack such ability. Besides that, such people demonstrate an accentuated level of self-motivation to perform well at a sports activity, which in turn enhances their performance naturally. On the other hand, it is an undeniable fact that the practice along with determination makes a person perfect. I favour those who hold the thought that any skill can be mastered, if a person showcases a blend of efforts and regular exercise in performing a task. This is more common with cases like sports, because the more you practice, the better you’ll become at it. In contrast, because of the absence of the natural ability, it might take time to hone the required skills, but it will lead to success if dedicated efforts are put in. However, if one possesses a strong inclination towards learning any sport, it may increase the chances of being successful because, the person with a desire to walk the extra mile will achieve the goal in the long run. In conclusion, although the people who possess the natural ability to do any sport may be successful because of more speed to learn and a high level of self-motivation, I believe that with practice and determined efforts, comes success in any area.
There is a view that the innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
is a mandatory requirement to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work can bring success to a great extent. This essay will discuss both the perceptions and provide my opinion in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the latter.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with an inborn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
have a tendency to learn it faster than anyone else and become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them outperform others who lack such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
.
Besides
that, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
demonstrate an accentuated level of self-motivation to perform well at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity, which in turn enhances their performance
naturally
.

On the other hand
, it is an undeniable fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
along with determination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person perfect. I
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
those who hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
can
be mastered
, if a person showcases a blend of efforts and regular exercise in performing a task. This is more common with cases like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the more you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
, the better you’ll become at it.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the absence of the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
, it might take time to hone the required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will lead to success if dedicated efforts
are put
in.
However
, if one possesses a strong inclination towards learning any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, it may increase the chances of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the person with a desire to walk the extra mile will achieve the goal in the long run.

In conclusion
, although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who possess the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of more speed to learn and a high level of self-motivation, I believe that with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
and determined efforts,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
success in any area.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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