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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree? v.11

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. v. 11
THE MODERN WORLD USUALLY PREFERS SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY OVER, ARTS AND MUSIC. I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION OF PEOPLE. IN TODAY' S WORLD, WHERE MODERN SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY PROPAGATES, PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT THE PERSON WHO IS RELATED TO TECHNOLOGY OR SCIENCE, IS MORE INTELLIGENT THAN AN ARTIST. THE MODERN SOCIETY DEVALUES ARTISTS AND MUSICIANS BECAUSE THEY TAKE IT AS AN EASY JOB. IN ADDITION, THEY BELIEVE THAT THEY DO NOT MAKE ANY EFFORTS TO BECOME AN ARTIST OR A MUSICIAN WHILE, BECOMING A SCIENTIST OR A TECHNOLOGY PERSON, ONE NEEDS TO BE INTELLIGENT AS WELL AS HARDWORKING. FOR INSTANCE, THE HIGH MERIT CANDIDATES ALWAYS CHOOSE SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY, WHEREAS, LOW MERITS CAN GO TO ARTS COLLEGE AS WELL. DESPITE OF THE COMMON BELIEF THAT THE ARTIST AND MUSICIANS ARE DEVALUED, SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT, THEY ARE ACTUALLY VALUED MORE THAN TECHNICAL PEOPLE. FOR EXAMPLE, WITH THE ADVANCED MARKETING AND IN THE WORLD OF MORE ARTS COUNCILS, PEOPLE PREFER TO GO TO ART GALLERIES AND ATTEND LIVE MUSIC CONCERTS. THEREFORE, ARTISTS AND MUSICIANS HAVE MORE FAME THAN SCIENTISTS AND TECHNOLOGY EXPERTS. TO CONCLUDE, IT IS BELIEVED THAT FUN OF ARTS AND MUSIC HAS LESSER VALUE THAN SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY. IN MY OPINION, WITH INCREASED AWARENESS OF ART AMONG NEW GENERATION NOW THE CONCEPT OF ARTS HAS BEEN CHANGED AND HAS GOT MORE RECOGNITION THAN USUAL FIELDS AS SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY IN RECENT DAYS. SO, I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH OLD THINKING OF UNDER RATING ARTISTIC PROFESSIONS.
THE MODERN WORLD
USUALLY
PREFERS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SCIENCE
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TECHNOLOGY
OVER,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
AND MUSIC. I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION OF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
.

IN
Possible spelling mistake found.
TODAY&
#039; S WORLD, WHERE MODERN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SCIENCE
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TECHNOLOGY
PROPAGATES,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
BELIEVE THAT THE PERSON WHO
IS RELATED
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TECHNOLOGY
OR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SCIENCE
, IS MORE INTELLIGENT THAN AN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTIST
. THE MODERN SOCIETY DEVALUES
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTISTS
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSICIANS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY TAKE IT AS AN EASY JOB.
IN ADDITION
, THEY BELIEVE THAT THEY DO NOT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
ANY EFFORTS TO BECOME AN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTIST
OR A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSICIAN
WHILE, BECOMING A SCIENTIST OR A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TECHNOLOGY
PERSON, ONE NEEDS TO BE INTELLIGENT
AS WELL
AS HARDWORKING.
FOR INSTANCE
, THE HIGH MERIT CANDIDATES ALWAYS CHOOSE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SCIENCE
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TECHNOLOGY
, WHEREAS, LOW MERITS CAN GO TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
COLLEGE
AS WELL
.

Did you mean "DESPITE" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
DESPITE OF
THE COMMON BELIEF THAT THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTIST
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSICIANS
ARE DEVALUED
,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
BELIEVE THAT, THEY ARE ACTUALLY VALUED MORE THAN TECHNICAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
.
FOR EXAMPLE
, WITH THE ADVANCED MARKETING AND IN THE WORLD OF MORE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
COUNCILS,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
PREFER TO GO TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ART
GALLERIES AND ATTEND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVE
MUSIC CONCERTS.
THEREFORE
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTISTS
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSICIANS
HAVE MORE FAME THAN SCIENTISTS AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TECHNOLOGY
EXPERTS.

TO CONCLUDE
, IT
IS BELIEVED
THAT FUN OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
AND MUSIC HAS LESSER VALUE THAN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SCIENCE
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TECHNOLOGY
. IN MY OPINION, WITH INCREASED AWARENESS OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ART
AMONG NEW GENERATION
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
THE CONCEPT OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
HAS BEEN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGED
AND HAS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOT
MORE RECOGNITION THAN USUAL FIELDS AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SCIENCE
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TECHNOLOGY
IN RECENT DAYS.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
, I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OLD
THINKING OF UNDER RATING ARTISTIC PROFESSIONS.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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