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Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people Others think education will not work Discuss both views and state your opinion v.2

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people Others think education will not work 2
Although eating too much fast food could damage people’s health, some people have believed that education can solve this problem. However, I would argue that education will not be efficient in this case. There are numerous reasons that education would affect the junk food consumption. First and foremost, teaching negative effects of junk food on people’s health to students is nescessary. Students would improve their knowledge about nutrition and consequences of consuming fast food, which lets them have a healthy diet. In addition, tutors should give the information about the process of canned food production to students. For example, processed food is often generated in a massive quantity, which leads to the lack of quality. Moreover, it can easily cause obesity. On the other hand, education will not be beneficial in this problem because of the following reasons. Firstly, fast food provides people with a wide range of choices. For instance, it has delicious flavours and eye-catching appearances such as seafood or vegetables which makes people can not refuse it although they knew about its detrimental effects. Secondly, education influenced by economic development makes people tend to choose what is the most convenient and affordable for them. To be more specific, there are a lot of fast food restaurants were built, and people can have their meals through only a phone call or a message. In conclusion, while it is believed by some people that too much fastfood usage could be stopped by education, I am convinced that it is not a practical measure for this issue.
Although eating too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
could damage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can solve this problem.
However
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will not be efficient
in this case
.

There are numerous reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would affect the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption.
First
and foremost, teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health to students is
Possible spelling mistake found.
nescessary
. Students would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge about nutrition and consequences of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
them have a healthy diet.
In addition
, tutors should give the information about the process of canned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production to students.
For example
, processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
generated in a massive quantity, which leads to the lack of quality.
Moreover
, it can
easily
cause obesity.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will not be beneficial in this problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a wide range of choices.
For instance
, it has delicious
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavours' is British English.
flavours
and eye-catching appearances such as seafood or vegetables which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not refuse it although they knew about its detrimental effects.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
influenced by economic development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to choose what is the most convenient and affordable for them. To be more specific, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants
were built
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have their meals through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a phone call or a message.

In conclusion
, while it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that too much
Possible spelling mistake found.
fastfood
usage could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, I
am convinced
that it is not a practical measure for this issue.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people Others think education will not work 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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