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Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions to this? " v.1

Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions to this? " v. 1
It is undoubtedly the case that unhealthiness which is also affecting the mankind adversely. In this essay, I am going to examine the possible reasons for this trend and suggest some of the proactive measures that individuals could implement to curb this problem. The first step is to understand why people lead a unhealthy life; even being acknowledged about the activities which could be threatfull for their lives. The first reason for this is that, in this modern world, people are so caught up in their work either men or women and do not get much time to cook food. Therefore, they preffered to eat fast food which is inevitably harmful for them. For instance, mostly youngsters rely on the outdoor food which is not fresh and healthy, therefore they have to be the prey of obesity. Moreover, parents should be really concerned about their children and they should have to reduce their dependency on the junk food. Apart from that, science have also warned that mobile phones are the one of the biggest enemy of human health. The radio waves which are emitted from it, could be the cause of cancer and other horrible diseases. Despite knowing this, people keep it with them all the time. One best epitome of this is that, a survey was conducted by world health organisation and it revealed that number of brain problem are happen because of the radio-active waves from the mobile phone as well as, it suggested people to make use of cell phones within the limit, if they want to stay healthy. In conclusion, I tend to believe that, the health can only be improved if individuals are really worried about it. They should quit all the activities which could make their life terrible
It is
undoubtedly
the case that unhealthiness which is
also
affecting the mankind
adversely
. In this essay, I am going to examine the possible reasons for this trend and suggest
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
proactive measures that individuals could implement to curb this problem.

The
first
step is to understand why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unhealthy life; even
being acknowledged
about the activities which could be
Possible spelling mistake found.
threatfull
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The
first
reason for this is that, in this modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
caught up in their work either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
or women and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much time to cook food.
Therefore
, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
preffered
to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food which is
inevitably
harmful for them.
For instance
,
mostly
youngsters rely on the outdoor food which is not fresh and healthy,
therefore
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be the prey of obesity.
Moreover
, parents should be
really
concerned about their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their dependency on the junk food.

Apart from that, science have
also
warned that mobile phones are the one of the biggest enemy of human health. The radio waves which
are emitted
from it, could be the cause of cancer and other horrible diseases. Despite knowing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it with them all the time. One best epitome of this is that, a survey
was conducted
by world health
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and it revealed that number of brain problem are
Consider using a past participle here: "happened".
happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the radio-active waves from the mobile phone
as well
as, it suggested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cell phones within the limit, if they want to stay healthy.

In conclusion
, I tend to believe that, the health can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
if individuals are
really
worried about it. They should quit all the activities which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
terrible
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions to this? " v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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