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Scientific research should be funded by the government rather than the commercial organisation. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Scientific research should be funded by the government rather than the commercial organisation. v. 1
It is important to consider why scientific exploration is important for the advancement of a country. While some people believe government funding for scientific studies instead of private industries. In my opinion, the local authorities should have absolute financial responsibilities on the studies. First and foremost, the public tends to believe the credibility of the foundings by the public institutions. Because the government authorities must be accountable for their people protection. On the other hand, private sectors trustworthiness suffers. For instance, the investigation of tobacco proves there are severe health issues. Even though, the private corporation funded explorations won't provide favourable outcome on that. As a result, people put their confidence in the unbiased analysis. Another importance is that government conduct researches are purely for improving real people's lives despite the monetary benefits. The knowledge gain by the explorations is freely available to the public because they are funded by their tax money. Therefore, they can apply knowledge to enhance or improve their living standards. For example, researches on solar energy and space exploration granted immense improvements for publics. Moreover, universities and academics can participate in researches for free of cost to improve the research. However, if, private industries invests in researches purely in gaining profit. They will not launch any researches that valuable to the public, because there is no fiscal gain. Therefore, for the progression of society, public officials financing is paramount to take control of scientific research. In conclusion, I believe local authorities are the right partners for implementing scientific researches. While Official authorities will consider benefits the whole community, private corporation invest in such research gaining commercial results is predominant.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the advancement of a country. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
studies
instead
of
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "industries".
private industries
. In my opinion, the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
should have absolute financial responsibilities on the studies.

First
and foremost, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
tends to believe the credibility of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
foundings
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
institutions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be accountable for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
protection.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "sectors'" or "sector's"?
sectors
trustworthiness suffers.
For instance
, the investigation of tobacco proves there are severe health issues.
Even though
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
corporation funded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
explorations
won't provide
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
outcome on that.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
put their confidence in the unbiased analysis.

Another importance is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
are
purely
for improving real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
despite the monetary benefits. The knowledge gain by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
explorations
is
freely
available to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are funded
by their tax money.
Therefore
, they can apply knowledge to enhance or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standards.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
on solar energy and space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
granted immense improvements for
Possible spelling mistake found.
publics
.
Moreover
, universities and academics can participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
for free of cost to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
However
, if,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "industries".
private industries
invests in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
purely
in gaining profit. They will not launch any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
that valuable to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no fiscal gain.
Therefore
, for the progression of society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
officials financing is paramount to take control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
research.

In conclusion
, I believe local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
are the right partners for implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
. While Official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
will consider benefits the whole community,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
corporation invest in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
gaining commercial results is predominant.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientific research should be funded by the government rather than the commercial organisation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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