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Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree v.6

Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. v. 6
There is an argument about whether the scientific research should be performed under supervision of the authorities rather than being under the control of individual entities. In my opinion, there should be a collaboration of the both for a better outcome. I will give reasons for the same in following paragraphs. First of all, a scientific project involves huge funds, dedication and plenty of time working on a hypothesis. A state has various other functions to perform so it is practically not suggested to divert public money and resources to such contingent project, while the state can utilise such tax money on some other welfare schemes or for better infrastructure. In addition to the above, the companies conducting the research have a single motive to reach a pragmatic conclusion with minimum finance and time. Hence, such interested companies must be provided with the opportunity and sanction for furtherance. Although, with the aid of such companies a nation can achieve tremendous gains in the field of medical, arsenal and technology or agriculture and many other fields. However, surveillance of such brands is most important to keep the essential information away from enemy. For illustration a research report in wrong hand may prove fatal to the economy or the integrity of a nation and loss to years of intellectual work and it is very easy for a company to sell such sensitive information to others for their profits. Thus, a strict watch is required by the state officials to avoid any critical situation. In a nutshell, it could be said that neither the government nor the private companies can successfully complete a project and doing it altogether is one of the best way to be confident of each other and unrequired interference from authorities will slow down the development of the nation.
There is an argument about whether the scientific research should
be performed
under supervision of the authorities
rather
than being under the control of individual entities. In my opinion, there should be a collaboration of the both for a better outcome. I will give reasons for the same in following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a scientific project involves huge funds, dedication and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time working on a hypothesis. A state has various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
functions to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
practically
not
The verb 'suggested' is used with the gerund form: "suggested diverting".
suggested to divert
public money and resources to such contingent project, while the state can
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
such tax money on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
welfare schemes or for better infrastructure.
In addition
to the above, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
conducting the research have a single motive to reach a pragmatic conclusion with minimum finance and time.
Hence
, such interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
with the opportunity and sanction for furtherance.

Although, with the aid of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
a nation can achieve tremendous gains in the field of medical, arsenal and technology or agriculture and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields.
However
, surveillance of such brands is most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the essential information away from enemy. For illustration a research report in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hand may prove fatal to the economy or the integrity of a nation and loss to years of intellectual work and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to sell such sensitive information to others for their profits.
Thus
, a strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
is required
by the state officials to avoid any critical situation.

In a nutshell, it could
be said
that neither the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
nor the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
successfully
complete a project and doing it altogether is one of the best way to be confident of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unrequired
interference from authorities will slow down the development of the nation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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