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Science is advanced so fast that it can now make it possible for people to live 100 years or even 200 years. Some people think it is beneficial, while others think it will cause problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Science is advanced so fast that it can now make it possible for people to live 100 years or even 200 years. Some people think it is beneficial, while others think it will cause problems. v. 2
It is well-known that we live in a fast-paced world in which science and medicine are progressing with a breakneck speed, People's life expectancy will probably beyond 100 years or even longer soon. Conservatives think that we are not ready for a long life and it could lead to many issues, while progressives believe that the longer we can live, the better our society will be. In this essay, I will discuss both opinions and provide reasons why I agree with the latter. Undoubtedly, the average age of human beings has been rocketing from 40 to 80 within 200 years, which has resulted in numerous problems. Some people believe that more unpredictable troubles would come out if we live longer. A notable example of this is the shortage of food in poor countries. Many developed countries have been assisting African countries by offering them free rice for decades. If individuals can live upto 200 years old, the developed countries will primarily satisfy their residents' needs and in turn, the African countries will no longer receive enough food. Another major problem is environmental pollution. The total global rubbish will be raised with the increase of people's life expectancy, which is deleterious to the environment. If this occurs, wild animals might be negatively affected too. Others, however, myself included, advocate that being able to live longer is substantially beneficial for communities and individuals. Accelerating the development of science and technology is perhaps the first and foremost benefit. Given that talented (brilliant) scientists, such as Albert Einstein, could live 100 more years, they can significantly push the progress of the science. Then, advanced science could solve more problems. To illustrate, improving food productivity and finding an innovative approach to solve environmental pollution. In addition, everyone fears about being left alone. Longer life means we can stay with our family and friends longer. Thanks science, it is amazing that people can enjoy the vivid world for probably 200 years in the future. In recapitulation, although, increasing life expectancy can cause some problems, I believe that people are keen to live longer and advanced science could solve more issues.
It is well-known that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and medicine are progressing with a breakneck speed,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy will
probably
beyond 100 years or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Conservatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we are not ready for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and it could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues, while progressives believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, the better our society will be. In this essay, I will discuss both opinions and provide reasons why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter.

Undoubtedly
, the average age of human beings has been rocketing from 40 to 80 within 200 years, which has resulted in numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that more unpredictable troubles would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
. A notable example of this is the shortage of food in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have been assisting African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by offering them free rice for decades. If individuals can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
200 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
primarily
satisfy their residents' needs and in turn, the African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food. Another major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is environmental pollution. The total global rubbish will
be raised
with the increase of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy, which is deleterious to the environment. If this occurs, wild animals might be
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
too.

Others,
however
, myself included, advocate that being able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
is
substantially
beneficial for communities and individuals. Accelerating the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology is perhaps the
first
and foremost benefit.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that talented (brilliant) scientists, such as Albert Einstein, could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
100 more years, they can
significantly
push the progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. Then, advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
could solve more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. To illustrate, improving food productivity and finding an innovative approach to solve environmental pollution.
In addition
, everyone fears about being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
means we can stay with our family and friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
. Thanks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, it is amazing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can enjoy the vivid world for
probably
200 years in the future.

In recapitulation, although, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
and advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
could solve more issues.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Science is advanced so fast that it can now make it possible for people to live 100 years or even 200 years. Some people think it is beneficial, while others think it will cause problems. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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