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Science is advanced so fast that it can now make it possible for people to live 100 years or even 200 years. Some people think it is beneficial, while others think it will cause problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Science is advanced so fast that it can now make it possible for people to live 100 years or even 200 years. Some people think it is beneficial, while others think it will cause problems. v. 1
Latest scientific advancements in healthcare has ensured people to live more than 100 years. In my opinion, although longer life span may cause faster consumption of world sources, it enables old people to guide their younger family and enjoying their retirement ages for a longer period. First and foremost, many people argue that longer life duration could create issues due to the faster consumption of natural sources. This is because when people live in the world longer, rapid drop in natural sources such as oil, gas or water would threaten the existence of humanity as these sources are essential for the continuation of people. To illustrate, after natural sources diminish, people will face difficulties to heat their houses or drink water. However, these issues can be solved as the usage of natural sources such as oil and gas have been switching to electricity or renewable sources and with technological developments water sources can now be acquired from the sea. Consequently, even though longer lifespan may threaten the level of natural sources and the existence of humankind at first sight, these problems can be handled with the usage of alternatives. On the other hand, I believe that living longer is a positive development for the civilisation since elderly people will have more time to spend with their loved ones. Considering this, old people can see their grandchildren, children or live together with their partners longer, hence they can assist their younger members of the family with their life expertise. For instance, when an old lady lives until 120 years old with her husband, she will give more advice to her children about career or personal relationships, she can enjoy retirement ages with her partner and she can spare more time for the flourishment of her granddaughter. As a result, longer lifetime enables people to enjoy the life with their family longer which would be beneficial for everyone. To sum up, the lifespan of people has been getting longer with the developments in healthcare, and it provides seniors to continue their life in peace with their family. Despite the anticipation of a higher consumption of vital resources with longer life duration, there are alternative solutions that could prevent the situation.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Latest".
Latest
scientific advancements in healthcare has ensured
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people
to
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live
more than 100 years. In my opinion, although
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longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span may cause faster consumption of world
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sources
, it enables
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to guide their younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and enjoying their retirement ages for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
period.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
duration could create issues due to the faster consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
, rapid drop in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
such as oil, gas or water would threaten the existence of humanity as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
are essential for the continuation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To illustrate, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
diminish,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will face difficulties to heat their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
or drink water.
However
, these issues can
be solved
as the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
such as oil and gas have been switching to electricity or renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
and with technological developments water
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sources
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be acquired
from the sea.
Consequently
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
lifespan may threaten the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
and the existence of humankind at
first
sight, these problems can
be handled
with the usage of alternatives.

On the other hand
, I believe that living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
since elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have more time to spend with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. Considering this,
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their grandchildren, children or
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live
together with their partners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
,
hence
they can assist their younger members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expertise.
For instance
, when an
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old
lady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
until 120 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
with her husband, she will give more advice to her children about career or personal relationships, she can enjoy retirement ages with her
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
partner and
she can spare more time for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
flourishment
of her granddaughter.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
lifetime enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
which would be beneficial for everyone.

To sum up, the lifespan of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has been getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
with the developments in healthcare, and it provides seniors to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in peace with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Despite the anticipation of a higher consumption of vital resources with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
duration, there are alternative solutions that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the situation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Science is advanced so fast that it can now make it possible for people to live 100 years or even 200 years. Some people think it is beneficial, while others think it will cause problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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