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Many people buy new phones or laptops to keep up with the latest technology. Is this a good or bad thing? v.2

Many people buy new phones or laptops to keep up with the latest technology. Is this a good or bad thing? v. 2
The development of technology becomes significantly increases in recent years. The up-gradation of technologies is amplified people’s interest to utilize more. It is true that most persons purchasing recent mobile phones or gadgets, as it comes to the market once, so it is arguably good or bad. This essay will discuss both positive aspects of uses and its serious drawbacks, and a logical conclusion will be derived at the end. On the one hand, undoubtedly, the technologies have been growing unexpectedly at its own pace that also made the people more comfortable and sophisticated. Recent developments have attracted humankind because ease their work more easily. For example, the transactions of money have become quite easy than bygone days. Besides, it can be done in less than seconds using the latest computer systems or gadgets with some mobile applications includes Google Pay and Phonephe. Furthermore, the advancements which develop the economy of a nation that also creates a multitude of job opportunities to young people directly and indirectly. Concerning the education sector, it leads to support teachers and scientists that aid them to teach the students and carrying out enormous researches which further strengthening the educational departments. Admittedly, on the other hand, the growth of the technologies that trigger mankind to buy the products as soon as released into the market. Also, people, especially young adult are more addicted to buying electronic products. The promoters are also announced discounts to cover the young generations. The situation of addiction incitement keeps changing the gadgets that further pollute the environment, for instance, the growing amount of electronics waste. Moreover, in recent years, the children are not concentrated on studies complained about by their parents. Therefore, young persons are more dependent on getting electronic items that lead their life more perplexing and endangered. In conclusion, in recent times, the trending to purchase cell phones or laptops is becoming enormous among the public. It is healthier to adapt and use technology for both personal and work, but control over the usage of these items is imperative.
The development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
becomes
significantly
increases in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
years. The up-gradation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
is amplified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interest to utilize more. It is true that most persons purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
mobile phones or gadgets, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the market once,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
arguably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. This essay will discuss both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
and its serious drawbacks, and a logical conclusion will
be derived
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the one hand,
undoubtedly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have been growing
unexpectedly
at its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace that
also
made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more comfortable and sophisticated.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Recent
developments have attracted humankind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
their work more
easily
.
For example
, the transactions of money have become quite
Use "easier" to make a comparison with this adjective.
easy
than bygone days.
Besides
, it can
be done
in less than seconds using the latest computer systems or gadgets with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mobile applications includes Google Pay and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phonephe
.
Furthermore
, the advancements which develop the economy of a nation that
also
creates a multitude of job opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
directly
and
indirectly
. Concerning the education sector, it leads to support teachers and scientists that aid them to teach the students and carrying out enormous researches which
further
strengthening the educational departments.

Admittedly
,
on the other hand
, the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
that trigger mankind to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the products as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as released into the market.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult are more addicted to buying electronic products. The promoters are
also
announced discounts to cover the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations. The situation of addiction incitement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
changing the gadgets that
further
pollute the environment,
for instance
, the growing amount of electronics waste.
Moreover
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
years, the children are not concentrated on studies complained about by their parents.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
persons are more dependent on getting electronic items that lead their life more perplexing and endangered.

In conclusion
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
times, the trending to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
cell phones or laptops is becoming enormous among the public. It is healthier to adapt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for both personal and work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
control over the usage of these items is imperative.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people buy new phones or laptops to keep up with the latest technology. Is this a good or bad thing? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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