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There are more and more effective security measures in large cities to reduce the crime. Does this endeavor bring more benefits than problems? v.1

There are more and more effective security measures in large cities to reduce the crime. Does this endeavor bring more benefits than problems? v. 1
In the Modern era, in spite of having security services crime is rapidly rising across the globe. Expanding crime has raised concern for the many countries around the world so the need of improved security services is aroused in big cities of the world. It is agreed that ameliorated safety measures of protection of increased crime outweigh the drawbacks. I shall put forth my arguments to support my views in the following paragraphs. There are many safety measures which may help in preventing rising criminal acts across the big cities of the globe. such as surveillance cameras, security alarms etc. For example, recently there was a theft attempt in the Citi Bank, Fort branch, but the theft attempt was unsuccessful as there was an alarm system installed by the bank when thieves broke the shutter and tries to enter the premises suddenly alarm rang so thieves had to run without the robbery. That alarm system sent the message of the robbery attempt to the cell of the branch manager and branch manager informed the same to the police ultimately robbers were caught by the police using the camera surveillance. In earlier times, security cameras were used in banks and tight-surveillance areas, but nowadays camera surveillance is installed by the malls, schools, streets etc. As these camera systems are available at less cost than earlier times. These security measures are ubiquitous in many countries in present time. Where ever these security instruments are installed there offensive minded people will think twice before committing any crime which will consequently result in lower crime. It will be very easy for police to catch criminals using advanced security measures. The use of advanced security measure will help the country in maintaining law and order. Thus, advanced security measures are very beneficial and cost-effective to prevent the crime in metro cities across the planet earth. Nevertheless, few people raise an objection for these measures. The considerable objection concerns privacy. A large number of people believe that privacy is part of their right to freedom. If security surveillance is installed everywhere like streets, gardens, etc. then there will be no privacy for them. Their every act will be video graphed or recorded. Even the recorded computerized data may go in wrong hands. So, people raise objections for these security measures as they lose their right of freedom. To sum up, I pen down, saying that, definitely there are many benefits to the use of ameliorated security measures. Although we need to strike balance between the security and individual's privacy. If this is done, thenthen absolutely the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
In the Modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
rapidly
rising across the globe. Expanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has raised concern for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the need of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
services
is aroused
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
of the world. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that ameliorated safety
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
of protection of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
outweigh the drawbacks. I shall put forth my arguments to support my views in the following paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
safety
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in preventing rising criminal acts across the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
of the globe.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
surveillance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alarms
etc.
For example
, recently there was a theft attempt in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Citi
Bank, Fort branch,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the theft attempt was unsuccessful as there was an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alarm
system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
by the bank when thieves broke the shutter and tries to enter the premises
suddenly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alarm
rang
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
thieves had to run without the robbery. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alarm
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
the message of the robbery attempt to the cell of the branch manager and branch manager informed the same to the police
ultimately
robbers
were caught
by the police using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
surveillance
. In earlier times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in banks and tight-surveillance areas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
surveillance
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
by the malls, schools, streets etc. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
systems are available at less cost than earlier times. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
are ubiquitous in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in present time. Where ever these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
instruments are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
there offensive minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
which will
consequently
result in lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. It will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy for police to catch criminals using advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the country in maintaining law and order.
Thus
, advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial and cost-effective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
across the planet earth.

Nevertheless
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
raise an objection for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
. The considerable objection concerns privacy.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that privacy is part of their right to freedom. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
surveillance
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
everywhere like streets, gardens, etc. then there will be no privacy for them. Their every act will be video graphed or recorded. Even the recorded computerized data may go in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
raise objections for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
as they lose their right of freedom.

To sum up, I pen down, saying that, definitely there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of ameliorated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
. Although we need to strike balance between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
and individual's privacy. If this
is done
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thenthen
absolutely
the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay There are more and more effective security measures in large cities to reduce the crime. Does this endeavor bring more benefits than problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
434 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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