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Most school offors some type of physical education program to their students. Why it is important? Should phisical education classes be required? v.1

Most school offors some type of physical education program to their students. Why it is important? Should phisical education classes be required? v. 1
Nowadays, a giant amount of people, especially younger, is planning to study overseas, being that a big step for them. It brings several benefits for both, countries involved and foreign students as well. However, that situation could be stressful, presenting a number of drawbacks too. To commence with the advantages, studying in another country is challenging and an amazing way to prove yourselves that we can being out of their comfort zone. People who decided start or continue their career in another country are going to gain incredible experiences, such as learning from other cultures and meeting different communities. Also, the countries which are receiving students from other places around the world, are becoming multicultural. That is crucial for the growth of the whole population that are living there, knowing and understanding other ways to live, eat, speak an so on. Despite this, disadvantages exist too. The most important could be staying far away from family and friends, and everything which people are used to have in their own country. For example, a friend of mine has been studying in London for 3 years. She told me that the first year was so stressful, because she did not speak English, well as well as she was missing her family every day. That situation can generate depression in some instances. Some foreign students feel forced to look for mental health assistance, such as a psychologist. To sum up, being a student abroad could be an amazing experience if the person learns how to handle that. Learning from other cultures could be incredible. Nonetheless, foreigns can feel alone and far away from everything that they love, especially the first months. The key is enjoying the pros and facing the cons, being open to meet people who can help us to handle this situation.
Nowadays, a giant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
younger, is planning to study overseas, being that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
step for them. It brings several benefits for both,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
involved and foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as well
.
However
, that situation could be stressful, presenting a number of drawbacks too.

To commence with the advantages, studying in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is challenging and an amazing way to prove yourselves that we can being out of their comfort zone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who decided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
or continue their career in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are going to gain incredible experiences, such as learning from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures and meeting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
communities.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places around the world, are becoming multicultural.
That is
crucial for the growth of the whole population that are living there, knowing and understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, eat, speak
Did you mean "and" or "any"?
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Despite this, disadvantages exist too. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
could be staying far away from family and friends, and everything which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, a friend of mine has been studying in London for 3 years. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that the
first
year was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
stressful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she did not speak English, well
as well
as she was missing her family every day. That situation can generate depression in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel forced to look for mental health assistance, such as a psychologist.

To sum up, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
abroad could be an amazing experience if the person learns how to handle that. Learning from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures could be incredible. Nonetheless,
Possible spelling mistake found.
foreigns can
feel alone and far away from everything that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
especially
the
first
months. The key is enjoying the pros and facing the cons, being open to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to handle this situation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Most school offors some type of physical education program to their students. Why it is important? Should phisical education classes be required? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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