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18. Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

18. Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
Everything in our modern life has changed even when it comes to exercising people are not satisfied enough with the familiar training, they are going to dangerous ones like a mountain or building climbing. It is really strange to play such games, but at the same time, it is becoming really common among the young for showing off and earning fame. In other words, some people are playing risky games just to make people recognize them more so they can be well known. For example, I remember talents show I have watched last year where an old man I think he was in his sixties presented his talent which was breaking big rocks on his body and walking on broken glass. When the judges asked him: why you do these life-threatening games? He answered: to be famous. Thus, many of the ones we know can put their lives in danger while doing abnormal games just for fame. Unfamiliar things can be done to break a world record. To put it more simply, people may play risky games to be the best in a specific thing even if it was a harmful thing, this is their way of making achievements. For instance, I have watched a documentary about the man who break the world's record in the long time of not breathing underwater, and he did so just to break his grandfathers' record in the same game. In my opinion, I do not think this is a good trend and should not be supported due to the many side effects which might happen in the long term, the internal organs must be damaged because of all the stress the person have because of these games. In conclusion, normal games and exercises we are used to being safe and healthy. So, there is no need at all to experience fear and stress just to be well known or be number one in something.
Everything in our modern life has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
even when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to exercising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not satisfied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
with the familiar training, they are going to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
like a mountain or building climbing.

It is
really
strange to play such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, it is becoming
really
common among the young for showing off and earning fame.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are playing risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recognize them more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can be well known.
For example
, I remember talents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
last
It is better to use 'year' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "year when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
year where
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
he was in his sixties presented his talent which was breaking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
rocks on his body and walking on broken glass. When the judges asked him: why you do these life-threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
? He answered: to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
we know can put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
while doing abnormal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for fame.

Unfamiliar things can
be done
to break a world record. To put it more
simply
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may play risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to be the best in a specific thing even if it was a harmful thing, this is their way of making achievements.
For instance
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
a documentary about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who break the world's record in the long time of not breathing underwater, and he did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to break his grandfathers' record in the same game.

In my opinion, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trend and should not
be supported
due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
side effects which might happen in the long term, the internal organs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be damaged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
the person have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these games.

In conclusion
, normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and exercises we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to being safe and healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is no need at all to experience fear and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to be well known or be number one in something.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 18. Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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