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Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 8
Traditional subjects such as history are a prime focus of study in schools and a fraction of people believe that more time should be invested in teaching students the skill to secure a job once they graduate. In my opinion, a balance between soft skills and traditional subjects should be maintained as they are both essential for a student’s future. History is an important subject as it teaches students the political and military struggle of the country’s forefathers. Moreover, it teaches the students about the traditions and culture of a society. Once they are able to learn these lessons, they can adopt them in their lives. In addition to that, history highlights the mistakes of those who came before us and allows us to rectify those blunders so that they are not repeated. Despite having certain advantages, it does not directly help students in securing a job. Corporate and Industrial sector looks for a specific set of skills in students that can help them excel in their careers in reputed companies. Firstly, they require people who are confident and have good communication skills. Furthermore, they also seek time management and leadership skills that can help the students in adapting to the corporate environment. However, spending too much time on traditional subjects deprive the students of learning these valuable skills, therefore, it is vital that schools develop a curriculum that maintains an equal proportion of technical subjects, traditional courses and soft skills. Students should be engaged in public speaking, debates and group discussions where they are able to learn the soft skills required for securing jobs. In conclusion, history is an important subject which should be taught in schools; however, it does not help students in the real world where soft skills are required to get a job. Therefore, schools should introduce activities that can develop these skills while reducing the time spent on teaching traditional subjects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as history are a prime focus of study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and a fraction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be invested
in teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to secure a job once they graduate. In my opinion, a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be maintained
as they are both essential for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
future.

History is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
as it teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the political and military struggle of the country’s forefathers.
Moreover
, it teaches the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about the traditions and culture of a society. Once they are able to learn these lessons, they can adopt them in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In addition
to that, history highlights the mistakes of those who came
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
us and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to rectify those blunders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are not repeated. Despite having certain advantages, it does not
directly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in securing a job.

Corporate and Industrial sector looks for a specific set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them excel in their careers in reputed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Firstly
, they require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are confident and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Furthermore
, they
also
seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management and leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in adapting to the corporate environment.
However
, spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
deprive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of learning these valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
therefore
, it is vital that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
develop a curriculum that maintains an equal proportion of technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
courses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
should
be engaged
in public speaking, debates and group discussions where they are able to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
required for securing jobs.

In conclusion
, history is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which should
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
;
however
, it does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the real world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should introduce activities that can develop these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
while reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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