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More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are possible solutions? v.2

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are possible solutions? v. 2
The trend of buying cars, among the people of 2nd world nations is increasing. The principal predicament this causes is an increase in traffic congestion and the most viable solution is public awareness campaign warning about the dangers of this. The primary dilemma developing countries face when their citizens start to buy cars is traffic jams. This is because of the growing population day by day and to make the situation worse more and more people are buying cars, as a consequence, the roads needs to be broadened to cater to such high number of vehicles. However, the major downtowns of these cities were built way long back and they are capable of handling a limited number of cars. For example, due to increased migration of people in Canada, as most of the jobs are concentrated in downtown people have to coop-up in their cars in slow moving traffic for almost 3 hours every day when they travel to work in downtown from the nearby suburb area. A solution to the problem of overcrowding is to educate young people about its dangers. This could solve the problem by teaching children in should about its impact. They are likely to teach their parents about the things they learnt at school and adults will also be influenced by this initiative. For example, school children in Germany were taught about the results of travelling everywhere by car, it was found that the use of public transport was increased by 7% that year. In conclusion, growing numbers of new car owners are posing the problem of traffic and slowdown of transport, but this can be handled by imparting right amount of knowledge to upcoming generations.
The trend of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of 2nd world nations is increasing. The principal predicament this causes is an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion and the most viable solution is public awareness campaign warning about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of this.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
primary dilemma
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
face when their citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jams. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the growing population day by day and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the situation worse more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, as a consequence, the roads needs to
be broadened
to cater to such high number of vehicles.
However
, the major
Possible spelling mistake found.
downtowns
of these cities
were built
way long
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
back and
they are capable of handling a limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
For example
, due to increased migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Canada, as most of the jobs
are concentrated
in downtown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
coop-up in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in slow moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
for almost 3 hours every day when they travel to work in downtown from the nearby suburb area.

A solution to the problem of overcrowding is to educate young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
. This could solve the problem by teaching children in should about its impact. They are likely to teach their parents about the things they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt at
school and adults will
also
be influenced
by this initiative.
For example
, school children in Germany
were taught
about the results of travelling everywhere by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, it
was found
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of public transport
was increased
by 7% that year.

In conclusion
, growing numbers of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
owners are posing the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and slowdown of transport,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can
be handled
by imparting right amount of knowledge to upcoming generations.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are possible solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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