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Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.7

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 7
When discussing whether schools should teach traditional subjects, like history and literature, one should bear in mind the complexity of the issue. Some people think that traditional subjects are important for the child's intellectual development, while others believe that schools should adapt to market changes, and teach practical lessons only. In my opinion, although traditional subjects are important for us as a society, schools and universities should focus on practical courses. In the following essay, I will provide erguments and examples to support my view. One of the main argument in favour of my position, is that due to the rapid technological developments in the last century, traditional courses, like history and language, have become obsulete and are no longer relevant. With the introduction of ground breaking inventions like the computer, internet and cellular phone, many functions that were performed manually are now done automatically. Students nowadays do not need to learn a new language in order to read a medical research, because it can be translated through the internet. Similarly, computers can calculate difficult mathematical formulas instantly, and so there is no need to learn how to calculate it by hand. This example demonstrates that, as a result of technolgical developments, traditional subject are less needed than before. Another view supporting my opinion is that over the years, the amount of professional knowledge has increased exponentially. Consequently, students need to know much more before entering the job market, which requires a longer learning duration. This can be reduced by replacing traditional subjects with professional classes, that will assist students gaining the required knowledge. For example, over the last 30 years the duration of medical education remained similar. The amount of medical data, however has tripled. As a result, students are forced to learn much more in the same time period. By reducing calsses such as physics and mathematics, medical students will be able to spend more time on practical subjects. This will allow students to become much more knowledgable when entering the job market. In conclusion, schools and universities should change their teaching paradigm and adapt to the local economic changes. Technological developments and increased basic requirements before entering the job market are some of the main reasons for the required change. Schools should assist the students and help them be prepared for the job market.
When discussing whether
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schools
should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, like history and literature, one should bear in mind the complexity of the issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the child's intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should adapt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, and teach practical lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us as a society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and universities should focus on practical courses. In the following essay, I will provide
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erguments
and examples to support my view.

One of the main argument in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my position, is that due to the rapid technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
in the last century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
courses, like history and language, have become
Possible spelling mistake found.
obsulete
and are no longer relevant. With the introduction of ground breaking inventions like the computer, internet and cellular phone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
functions that
were performed
manually
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
done
automatically
.
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Students
nowadays do not need to learn a new language in order to read a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
research,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
be translated
through the internet.
Similarly
, computers can calculate difficult mathematical formulas
instantly
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is no need to learn how to calculate it by hand. This example demonstrates that,
as a result
of
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technolgical
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developments
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
are less needed than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Another view supporting my opinion is that over the years, the amount of professional knowledge has increased
exponentially
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to know much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
, which requires a longer learning duration. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
with professional classes, that will assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gaining the required knowledge.
For example
, over the last 30 years the duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
education remained similar. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
data,
however
has tripled.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are forced
to learn much more in the same time period. By reducing
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calsses
such as physics and mathematics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be able to spend more time on practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to become much more
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledgable
when entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.

In conclusion
,
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schools
and universities should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their teaching paradigm and adapt to the local economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
. Technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
and increased basic requirements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
main reasons for the required
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change
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
be prepared
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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