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Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. v.5

Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. v. 5
An increasing number of young students drop out from schools, sometimes to earn to support the family and sometimes due to reasons not rational, and this has a severe consequence in a long run. Not always those students are to blame and this is not the context of this discussion. Rather the state should revise the way it runs schools and arrange re-schooling facilities and the school authority should arrange some paid jobs to needy students to mend this situation. To begin with, a young pupil drops out from a school mainly to earn a wage to support his family and this is more common in developing and poor countries. According to a recent report, more than 30% students leave schools in South Asian countries due to financial hindrance. The government in such a country should focus on developing condition of parents who have school-going offspring. The education should be free and some subsidies should be provided to poor students. Besides, the government's initiatives to create more jobs would also improve this situation. However, the greatest step the government should and can take is arranging re-schooling facility for those disarrayed pupils with some incentives and job provisions. Moreover, the school authority should make education more fun in school to retain young students. For instance, some of the Japanese schools use interactive and fun methods to teach young minds and this has increased students’ school attendance dramatically. Such initiatives should be welcomed and more widely used. Besides, the school authority can arrange some clerical jobs to needy students to help them continue their studies. To conclude, education is the most important pillar for the development of a nation and the state and school authority should help students stay in schools and finish their academic years. Without having an educated nation, the crime and unemployment would skyrocket to push the society to a complete chaos.
An increasing number of
young
students
drop out from
schools
,
sometimes
to earn to support the family and
sometimes
due to reasons not rational, and this has a severe consequence in a long run. Not always those
students
are to blame and this is not the context of this discussion.
Rather
the state should revise the way it runs
schools
and arrange re-schooling facilities and the
school
authority
should arrange
some
paid
jobs
to needy
students
to mend this situation.

To
begin
with, a
young
pupil drops out from a
school
mainly
to earn a wage to support his family and this is more common in developing and poor countries. According to a recent report, more than 30%
students
leave
schools
in South Asian countries due to financial hindrance. The
government
in such a country should focus on developing condition of parents who have school-going offspring. The education should be free and
some
subsidies should
be provided
to poor
students
.
Besides
, the
government
's initiatives to create more
jobs
would
also
improve
this situation.
However
, the greatest step the
government
should and can take is arranging re-schooling facility for those disarrayed pupils with
some
incentives and
job
provisions.

Moreover
, the
school
authority
should
make
education more fun in
school
to retain
young
students
.
For instance
,
some of the
Japanese
schools
use
interactive and fun methods to teach
young
minds and this has increased
students’
school
attendance
dramatically
. Such initiatives should
be welcomed
and more
widely
used
.
Besides
, the
school
authority
can arrange
some
clerical
jobs
to needy
students
to
help
them continue their studies.

To conclude
, education is the most
important
pillar for the development of a nation and the state and
school
authority
should
help
students
stay in
schools
and finish their academic years. Without having an educated nation, the crime and unemployment would skyrocket to push the society to a complete chaos.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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