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“Nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their career. ” v.1

“Nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their career. ” v. 1
Forming a sense of discipline among children is an important responsibility for parents as it determines a child’s future as well as the overall social condition. However, with the increasing pressure in jobs and need for money to support the family, many parents are unable to share quality time with their children and those couples fail to teach them moral values. This has undeniably lead to some juvenile delinquencies including discipline problems. I believe parents should spend more time with their offspring and teach them through examples to reverse this trend. To begin with, when children, as a whole in a society, become disruptive, they are not the one to be blamed. Parents are the first teachers and perhaps the most reliable one in times of a child’s joy and vulnerability, and they have to spend time with their children. Ideal parents teach their children the good rules and set examples to meet the expectation of parenthood. Lessons learned from parents shape a child’s character and this is why psychologists emphasize so much on good parenting. Career and social status are important, but not more than the future of a child and this is why parents should maintain a balance in their professional and family life. Once a child becomes rogue, the parents are the persons to suffer the most. Due to the relationship of child nurturing and the future of a child is interconnected, the fathers and mothers should instil good moral values in a child in the early stage of their life, not regret when it is already too late. To conclude, busy parents leave their children on their own only to miss their chance to make them ideal citizens of the society. No matter how alluring the career prospects are, good parents should always make time to share with their future generation and teach them fundamental rules of life including the importance of discipline.
Forming a sense of discipline among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as it determines a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
as well
as the
overall
social condition.
However
, with the increasing pressure in jobs and need for money to support the family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are unable to share quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and those couples fail to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them moral values. This has
undeniably
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "leaded", "led".
lead
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
juvenile delinquencies including discipline problems. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their offspring and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them through examples to reverse this trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as a whole in a society, become disruptive, they are not the one to
be blamed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the
first
teachers and perhaps the most reliable one in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
joy and vulnerability, and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and set examples to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the expectation of parenthood. Lessons learned from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
shape a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
character and this is why psychologists emphasize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
parenting. Career and social status are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and this is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should maintain a balance in their professional and family life.

Once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
becomes rogue, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the persons to suffer the most. Due to the relationship of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
nurturing and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is interconnected
, the fathers and mothers should
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
moral values in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in the early stage of their life, not regret when it is already too late.

To conclude
, busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to miss their chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ideal citizens of the society. No matter how alluring the career prospects are,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to share with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them fundamental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of life including the importance of discipline.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay “Nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their career. ” v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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