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School teachers are more responsible for social and intellectual development of students than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

School teachers are more responsible for social and intellectual development of students than parents. v. 5
It is true that teachers are called second parents of a child, because they have more interaction with the bids, after parents. Now, the question is, are parents more responsible for the social and intellectual development of students than parents? In this essay, I am going to discuss my opinion before reaching at any decision. To start with, it is an undeniable fact that the teachers play an important role, in the upbringing of a student. Moreover, children learn a lot of aspects of life and hoe do act in the public, from them. Typically a learner always needs someone, who is more experienced and advance in knowledge than his/her, which is undoubtedly fulfilled by school's mentors. An infant, not only gains an academic or practical knowledge in the studies, but also improve as being a noble human. For example, many schools have special classes of mental and spiritual subjects. Also, these extra-curricular activities, represent a trainer, as a role Model in front of the pupils. Hence, being as an observer, they get an insight into public communication skills as well as academic expertise. Definitely, family and parents act as an indispensable part of a young one. They provide a sense of identification of the infant. In addition to it, scholars spend most of the time in their daily life, with their parents. Hence, right from the bedtime stories to the behavioural habits, parents play a very subsequent act in making a youngster, responsible citizen in each and every aspect. Therefore, it is clearly believed that parents have the strongest part in the youth's development. In my opinion, we cannot generalize as to who is more accountable in a child's social and intellectual evolution. Accordingly, both of the parties, have their specific contribution in one's soul. One cannot appear as a genius without learning basic schooling and there is a great appearance of caretakers in case of one's character improvement. To recapitulate, I would strongly emphasize that upbringing is very crucial obligation for both, teachers and parents. Finally, it is truly said that the most valuable resources in anyone's soul are parents and teachers without their collaboration, one's future is not delightful.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are called
second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of a child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more interaction with the bids, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, the question is, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
more responsible for the social and intellectual development of students than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
? In this essay, I am going to discuss my opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching at any decision.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is an undeniable fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role, in the upbringing of a student.
Moreover
, children learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
aspects of life and hoe do act in the public, from them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Typically
a learner always needs someone, who is more experienced and advance in knowledge than his/her, which is
undoubtedly
fulfilled by school's mentors. An infant, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gains an academic or practical knowledge in the studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
as being a noble human.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools have special classes of mental and spiritual subjects.
Also
, these extra-curricular activities,
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "represents".
represent
a trainer, as a role

Model in front of the pupils.
Hence
, being as an observer, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an insight into public communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as academic expertise.

Definitely, family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
act as an indispensable part of a young one. They provide a sense of identification of the infant.
In addition
to it, scholars spend most of the time in their daily life, with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Hence
, right from the bedtime stories to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
habits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
subsequent act in making a youngster, responsible citizen in each and every aspect.
Therefore
, it is
clearly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the strongest part in the youth's development.

In my opinion, we cannot generalize as to who is more accountable in a child's social and intellectual evolution.
Accordingly
, both of the parties, have their specific contribution in one's soul. One cannot appear as a genius without learning basic schooling and there is a great appearance of caretakers in case of one's character improvement.

To recapitulate, I would
strongly
emphasize that upbringing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial obligation for both,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Finally
, it is
truly
said that the most valuable resources in anyone's soul are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
without their collaboration, one's future is not delightful.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay School teachers are more responsible for social and intellectual development of students than parents. v. 5

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
362 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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