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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing computer game is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them v.645

Playing computer game is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them v. 645
Some may argue that computer games are innovation of the techonlogy, I, however believe that they are the waste of time. Therefore children should not be allowed to play them. To begin with, education is the important thing to be focused for the children, They should not waste their important time on computer games. whenever, children indulge on palying games on the computer, it is less likely to manage the time for study. For example when I was studing my high school on class 12, I used to play Candy Crush Saga a lot, just to complete the level. I was so much addicted to the game that whenever I had time, I used to play it. Finally my marks on class 12 was consistantly poor than grade 11. Similarly, computer games make children lazy. The importance of the outdoor games will attenuate when children are addicted for the computer games. In the 90' s I used to play different types of outdoor games with my friends. It helped me to enhance my communication skills and moreover I was fit and healthy. But, these days children are not much sociable when they are addicted to the computer games. Hence, it' s only the waste of time. Some may argue that computer games allow the children to more utilize their time by appropriate scheduling and only use it for the source of entertainment. But, once the children engage on such activities, it is quite difficult for them to leave the games without completing the level. For example my nephew, who is studing in class 6 asks me to play game in computer for some minutes. but when he can not complete the level, he insists me to give time to play. It is better to persaude the children to play the outdoor and indoor real life games rathen than these virtual computer games. Thus, for the points mentioned above, children should not be allowed to play the computer games, as it is a waste of time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are innovation of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
techonlogy
, I,
however
believe that they are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, education is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to
be focused
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, They should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whenever
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
indulge on
Possible spelling mistake found.
palying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the computer, it is less likely to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for study.
For example
when I was
Possible spelling mistake found.
studing
my high school on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
12, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Candy Crush Saga a lot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to complete the level. I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much addicted to the game that whenever I had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
my marks on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
12 was
Possible spelling mistake found.
consistantly
Use "poorer" to make a comparison with this adjective.
poor
than grade 11.

Similarly
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lazy. The importance of the outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will attenuate when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
for the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In the 90' s I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with my friends. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to enhance my communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
moreover
I
was fit
and healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not much sociable when they
are addicted
to the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Hence
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of time.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to more utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by appropriate scheduling and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for the source of entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engage on such activities, it is quite difficult for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
without completing the level.
For example
my nephew, who is
Possible spelling mistake found.
studing
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
6 asks me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game in computer for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minutes.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
when he can not complete the level, he insists me to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
. It is better to
Possible spelling mistake found.
persaude
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the outdoor and indoor real life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Possible spelling mistake found.
rathen
than these virtual computer games.

Thus
, for the points mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, as it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay Playing computer game is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them v. 645

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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