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Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving for behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sale position? v.5

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving for behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sale position? v. 5
A successful organisation invests huge some in the field of sale and always is hot job. Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. I believe money is one of the major factors behind hard work in the sale organisation and the attribute needed for hiring for a sales position is negotiation and convincing skills. To begin with, While deciding the ideal candidate for the sale position, usually companies consider people who are hungry for money as a hard worker and I completely agreeing. In the field of marketing, applicant who achieves the target are offered with higher incentive and commission. Hence the hardworking candidate in this area will be the person who has reached the target. The other reason for my agreement is that Sales person is offered very low salary and the bonus offered is comparatively double the salary. For instance, In India, Eurokeforb is water purifying company offer only USD 500 as salary and the bonus towards achieving the target is Double USD 1000 and hence salesmen in this company work 18 hours to reach their target. Furthermore, The Other factors which must be taken into account while hiring for the position of sales is their both skills of negotiation and convincing. Salesmen with this quality only can survive in the market and shall be eligible to achieve their goals. If the sales person does not possess this quality it will be highly impossible to discuss with the customer to convince them to purchase. The other factor is convincing skill, it is most vital quality the sale person needs to have in them. Usually the customer tries to bargain and try his best to reduce the price. Hence the salesperson must be very smart enough to convince the customer in the given price otherwise he shall lose the lead. In conclusion, I believe, money plays a significant role in salesmen job and it encourages salesmen to do the hard work. The other factors need to considered while hiring sales person is their important skill negotiation and convincing skill.
A successful
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
invests huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
and always is hot job.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should recruit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are hungry for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most dedicated workers. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
behind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and the attribute needed for hiring for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
position is negotiation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convincing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, While deciding the ideal candidate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
position,
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
consider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are hungry for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
worker and
Did you mean "I are completely agreeing", "I am completely agreeing"?
I completely agreeing
. In the field of marketing, applicant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieves the target
are offered
with higher incentive and commission.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the hardworking candidate in this area will be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has reached the target. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reason for my agreement is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is offered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low salary and the bonus offered is
comparatively
double the salary.
For instance
, In India,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eurokeforb
is water purifying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
USD 500 as salary and the bonus towards achieving the target is Double USD 1000 and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salesmen
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
work 18 hours to reach their target.

Furthermore
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account while hiring for the position of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
is their both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of negotiation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convincing
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Salesmen
with this quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can survive in the market and shall be eligible to achieve their goals.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
does not possess this quality it will be
highly
impossible to discuss with the customer to convince them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convincing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, it is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
vital quality the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
needs to have in them.
Usually
the customer tries to bargain and try his best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the price.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the salesperson
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to convince the customer in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
price
otherwise
he shall lose the lead.

In conclusion
, I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a significant role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salesmen
job and it encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salesmen
to do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
need to considered while hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
negotiation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convincing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving for behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sale position? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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