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In some countries it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

In some countries it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is women should be treated as equal to male for the job. There is a widespread worry that this will only lead to a myriad of problems. Here, I will bright both sides of arguments and reach to a concrete conclusive conclusion with my stance. There is a deluge of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant one is that according to medical survey, women are less strong in terms of more physical than male. Therefore, during their job, they will have to face stringent operations with terrorists which are life threatening. Even, there are so many mandatory training assessments those are unbearable. Moreover, they may have to go to outside of the country which is hard sometimes to manage their family life. As a result, it is very hard nut to crack for women to continue their job in accordance with family life. A recent studied explicitly reveals that, more than 70% women have been failing to make a balance their task and family. There are some positive aspects that can easily overwhelm the potential drawbacks of participating female equally in police or military job. Firstly, in the VIP check point where the female is allowed to check particular gender. Male are strictly forbidden to do. Secondly, female military who saved enormous innocent lived during national calamities. Female has been contributing their endeavour to ensuring country as like as men military. Finally, during the second war, a large number of female militarizes showed their highest performance in consonance with male. Indeed, the practice of discriminating toward female is ungrounded. To sum up, i would like to opine that, women should be given equal priority as like as men. It must be implemented resolutely. Respective concerns should work relentlessly to change this scenario.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be treated
as equal to male for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. There is a widespread worry that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to a myriad of problems. Here, I
The word 'bright' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
will bright
both sides of arguments and reach to a concrete conclusive conclusion with my stance.

There is a deluge of arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance. The most preponderant one is that according to medical survey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are less strong in terms of more physical than male.
Therefore
, during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face stringent operations with terrorists which are life threatening. Even, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mandatory training assessments those are unbearable.
Moreover
, they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
There isn't usually a preposition before "outside". Did you mean "go outside"?
go to outside
of the country which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to manage their family life.
As a result
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
nut to crack for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in accordance with family life. A recent studied
explicitly
reveals that, more than 70%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have been failing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance their task and family.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects that can
easily
overwhelm the potential drawbacks of participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
equally
in police or military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Firstly
, in the VIP
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
point where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
particular gender. Male are
strictly
forbidden to do.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
military who saved enormous innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
during national calamities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Female
has been contributing their
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to ensuring country as like as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
military.
Finally
, during the second war,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
militarizes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
their highest performance in consonance with male.
Indeed
, the practice of discriminating toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
is ungrounded
.

To sum up,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like to opine that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal priority as like as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be implemented
resolutely
. Respective concerns should work
relentlessly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this scenario.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay In some countries it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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