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Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. v. 2
People from underdeveloped countries should be given a chance who have the knowledge & skills for a particular job. I totally agree with this statement that poor people should be given opportunity to grow in the rich countries to showcase their talent and prove themselves to be the asset to their country. Many people belonging from the backward or the poor families have many children who have a dream to go abroad, earn huge dollars, help their families to grow and even settle down to such big countries. To get a better life, free from corruption and pollution people start fantasizing their lives in countries like USA, UK and many other places, for which they work super hard on themselves and in their studies to get the knowledge and skills to get the dream job. Therefore, rich countries provide employment to such bright students, and talented workers to help them and their family to grow. This not only results to boost the economy of the poor countries like India, Bhutan and help them to prosper their goals, but also, many developed countries have a special quota for the international applicants as they know the value of such skilled workers. Such countries appreciate their work and give them a warm welcome with all the facilities. To conclude, the developed countries should help the poor countries to increase their economy in every way, whether it is related to food, trading or giving them job offers. Once a person is given a chance of living their dream and helping their families, such people give their best in rich countries, grow, and make worth of that opportunity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance who have the knowledge &
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for a particular job. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
in the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to showcase their talent and prove themselves to be the asset to their country.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
belonging from the backward or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children who have a dream to go abroad, earn huge dollars,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
and even settle down to such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better life, free from corruption and pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
fantasizing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
, UK and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other places, for which they work super
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on themselves and in their studies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the dream job.

Therefore
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
provide employment to such bright students, and talented workers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
results to boost the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like India, Bhutan and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to prosper their goals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a special quota for the international applicants as they know the value of such skilled workers. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
appreciate their work and give them a warm welcome with all the facilities.

To conclude
, the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to increase their economy in every way, whether it
is related
to food, trading or giving them job offers. Once a person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance of living their dream and helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give their best in rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
worth of that opportunity.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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