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In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. v. 1
Nowadays, athletics have become increasingly famous and affluent. Certain people believe that this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but others think it may have a negative influence. It is reasonable to agree that the increase in wealth and popularity can bring the asset to society and there are several reasons for that. Firstly, it seems to be a huge advantage for their own country that sports players become well-known. For example, it is proud for a nation to win the first price in the global games because of the talented athletes who were nurtured in their own country and the area may be renowned for its excellent athletic achievements. Therefore, the growth in tourism may be ensured that the local economy improves. In addition, the government can collect taxes from the players and it may be a great deal of money. However, when people are enjoying the benefit of affluence, it inevitably may cause some negative effects. For example, certain prosperous countries would spend more money on cultivating their team and the coach may poach the athletes from other countries. The nation may lose the profit that they have earned so far. Secondly, certain people might start to workout at the gym or join training teams and this would improve health condition and some of them may even find their hobbies through these sports activities. For example, in South America, it is noticeable that soccer may be the most famous exercise and it is suitable for all ages to watch the football game. Besides, the majority of the universities have their team and people who are attracted by the sports stars would join the group. This may be an opportunity to cultivate more competitors for their state. In conclusion, the increasing reputation and assets of distinguished athletes may bring advantages to themselves and their own countries such as raise the profile of sports, the growth in tourists and certain residents may start to do exercises which can help them to live a healthier life. However, there may be a negative influence such as the nation lose their professional players and the income may be decreased. Nonetheless, if ball stars become famous and wealthy, society can have more profits.
Nowadays, athletics have become
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and affluent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this is a benefit, raising the profile of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence. It is reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the increase in wealth and popularity can bring the asset to society and there are several reasons for that.

Firstly
, it seems to be a huge advantage for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players become well-known.
For example
, it is proud for a nation to win the
first
price in the global games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the talented athletes who
were nurtured
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the area may
be renowned
for its excellent athletic achievements.
Therefore
, the growth in tourism may
be ensured
that the local economy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can collect taxes from the players and it may be a great deal of money.
However
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are enjoying the benefit of affluence, it
inevitably
may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would spend more money on cultivating their team and the coach may poach the athletes from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The nation may lose the profit that they have earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to workout at the gym or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
training teams and this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health condition and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may even find their hobbies through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.
For example
, in South America, it is noticeable that soccer may be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
exercise and it is suitable for all ages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the football game.
Besides
, the majority of the universities have their team and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are attracted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the group. This may be an opportunity to cultivate more competitors for their state.

In conclusion
, the increasing reputation and assets of distinguished athletes may bring advantages to themselves and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as raise the profile of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, the growth in tourists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
residents may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do exercises which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthier life.
However
, there may be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence such as the nation lose their professional players and the income may
be decreased
. Nonetheless, if ball stars become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and wealthy, society can have more profits.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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