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Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic? What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.16

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic? What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 16
Nowadays, people are increasingly visiting places with intense conditions such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. There are several benefits and disadvantages of such tours which depends on many factors. Technical advances in transportation have made possible to travel each nook and cranny of the earth and now the travelers are even visiting places with adverse weather conditions such as, the Sahara desert and the Antarctic. Although, it's still hard to survive extensively cold or hot weather. Therefore, people need to spend huge amounts of money in buying various expensive gears and clothing which prevents them from the harsh weather conditions in such places by increasing their safety level. However, some people travel without considering the expenditure on these trips and recklessly squander money using their credit cards on highly expensive equipment without realizing their financial limits. Consequently, upon returning home get surprised and rather having a pleasant experience end up with an economic crisis and eventually comes under debt and become bankrupt. On the other hand, people who often feel stressed, lack of energy at work everyday, but have enough money to afford these trips, often enjoy traveling to adventure places and gain a lot of information about the culture in those regions and earn a memorable experience hence, feel relaxed, refreshed and start working efficiently with a new start. In conclusion, I firmly believe that people must consider the fact of affordability and their health before, going to such challenging places like, the Sahara desert and the Antarctic which plays a great role in determining the experience in the end.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
increasingly
visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with intense conditions such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. There are several benefits and disadvantages of such tours which depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors.

Technical advances in transportation have made possible to travel each nook and cranny of the earth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the travelers are even visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with adverse weather conditions such as, the Sahara desert and the Antarctic. Although, it's
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to survive
extensively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
or hot weather.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to spend huge amounts of money in buying various expensive gears and clothing which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from the harsh weather conditions in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
by increasing their safety level.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel without considering the expenditure on these trips and
recklessly
squander money using their credit cards on
highly
expensive equipment without realizing their financial limits.
Consequently
, upon returning home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
surprised and
rather
having a pleasant experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with an economic crisis and
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
under debt and become bankrupt.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, lack of energy at work
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to afford these trips,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
enjoy traveling to adventure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information about the culture in those regions and earn a memorable experience
hence
, feel relaxed, refreshed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working
efficiently
with a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider the fact of affordability and their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, going to such challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like, the Sahara desert and the Antarctic which plays a great role in determining the experience in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic? What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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